This is not good

The answer to my explosion will come when I have patience to deal with uploading photos. Right now I need to type and sleep.

I'm scared about work. I got an excited call this morning that they had a placement near where I want to be. Then a few hours later that fell through as it was temporary. But they have another placement an hour from here. Great. Except that it is 1 hour 45 minutes from Dr. Mind. I at first though I could just negotiate out a day that I am done on time or work later the next or whatever, but the thing is that seeing Dr. Mind would mean 4 hours of driving on that day. That's not realistic. Especially not while I'm needing him twice a week, something I'm not bringing up to work.

So I have an email to send in the morning saying that I can't see how this, the best and kind of only option I have thus far, can possibly work without my losing my remaining marbles.

And I'm also reached the point that I want to cry, a lot, and I can't. Too much going on, too much medication, too much forcing myself to hold it together. I tricked Dr. Mind into thinking I was better today, although I really did feel more hopeful as that was in the 3 hours I thought things were ok.

And now I have to force sleep upon myself.

At least nobody was overtly mean to me today. Unfriendly, but not mean.