I had a very rough night. One of the dangers of feeling numb is that you'll do a lot to feel something. The suicidal thoughts went berserk and I wound up dumping out my hard-won tylenol bottle, then having to email Dr. Brain to tell someone. I also hate the waste of money doing that. I don't have money to literally flush away. I even tried to get onto a crisis chat room thing but I had to wait so long and the tylenol was gone that I decided I felt safer and being screened for hospitalization wasn't a good idea. My past few months increase my risk even when I'm really safe, just struggling, and I did not want to wind up locked up and unable to talk to Dr. Mind, which is the key to this whole issue. I moved to the couch where I'm further from my locked up meds. Eventually I took a klonopin and fell asleep before the sun came up.
Now I'm manicky and even walked for 2 hours trying to slow this all down but it didn't help. So I'm waiting for tomorrow......
Copyright 2006 www.masterofirony.blogspot.com
Horrible night but Jen, you did the right things/you followed the plan and you need to feel good about that. The thoughts did not win. You did, and that is something positive.
ReplyDeleteI sure hope Dr. Mind will be able to help curb some of these symptoms for you - I am thinking this is an effect of the therapy, right? HANG IN THERE until tomorrow dear Jen... I pray that your mind and body finds comfort and rest tonight. You can do this.
Becky