This blog has changed. A lot. It started with a very, very sick author. For years the blog was about the nightmare of med resistance, allergies, and raging mental illness. Over the last nearly 2 years I very slowly got better. Now I'm actually living a LIFE and am oh, yeah bipolar. Nobody really thought that would happen. Sure, they told me things could be better. But this life I have now isn't how anyone thought things would go. I spent YEARS waiting to get stable enough to tolerate surgery for a VNS (vagal nerve stimulator; a last ditch treatment with a not great success rate but well worth it if nothing else works). Now I'm too well to qualify. Not that long ago my doctor was looking into ECT at my request because there didn't seem to be other options.
Something I feel weird about is that the readership here has changed. Back when I was so sick and there was lots of drama I had people who read regularly and were ongoing readers for years. Some started reading soon after I started writing in Jan. 2006. Over the last few months as I've been doing so well those readers aren't around anymore. I will admit freely to having very hurt feelings because I feel like now that my life isn't a tragedy people don't want to come here.
At the same time my traffic has been the same or even higher lately. However it seems most people are coming in on searches and then leaving, never to return. I just seem to be a hit more for certain things.
So, what I need from you are answers. Let me know if my interpretation is wrong. Do you come to visit in and out or did you just land here and won't be back? If you are bipolar/mentally ill do you find value here?
I'm not begging for praise. I'm pretty sure nobody is going to just say "close down." I understand reticence there. But please let me know if I'm writing for anyone who wants to hear what *I* am saying, or if this is just more words among the frightening number that make up the internet.
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