9/12

I'd fully intended to post this yesterday. Then I worked over 30 hours between Wed., Thurs., and Friday. I went to bed as soon as I got home last night. I couldn't have been coherent.

So anyway, today is when I'm going to say what I wanted to say on 9/11.

One of the things that is both frustrating and a blessing in regards to the last 10 years of my life is that my memories are somewhat limited. I have very, very clear memories of certain events and then absolutely no memory of others In many ways the other memories I have are the things recorded here and in other writings I have saved. I have been trying to recover knowledge about some of the things that I should know.

A month or so ago I realized that I didn't remember as much about 9/11 as I should. So I started reading and watching YouTube. I was amazed at what I'd forgotten. I have, just like most people, astonishingly clear memories of parts of that day. I know where I was when I found out and what I was doing when the first plane hit the World Trade Center. I remember too clearly what it was like to work in a basement that did not allow tv, radio, or cell phones to work. We knew only what we found out and shared with the rest of us as we went upstairs to fetch patients. I was writing an order at a nursing station when the 2nd tower fell and saw that on tv. I remember hearing and believing for most of the day that the capitol building was hit by a car bomb. This actually was a rumor that was quickly dispelled, but we had such inconsistent information that it was hard to follow. And more than anything I remember those blue skies with no planes, in an place close enough to the airport to never have no planes visible.

Anyway, when I started doing this I found out so much that I had no memory of. Or I would read something and remember that I'd heard this but hadn't even processed it as an individual horror. And there were things that were totally new to me that most people have been exposed to and remember. The biggest shock was the phone call of victim Kevin Cosgrove's 911 call from a very high floor of the World Trade Center. If you've not heard this and you are an adult who is feeling emotionally strong you should google it. If that does not apply to you, don't. It is one of the hardest things I've ever heard and I'll give away the ending by saying that it never occurred to me that the people in the towers when they fell knew that it was happening but they clearly did. The tape catches his scream and then ends. I had a vague memory when I read about it of them still finding remains 5 years later but it was now I was well enough to understand the horror of that.

There was so much that I never registered. I forgot more than most people, but sometime I'd highly recommend reading wikipedia about the day and each flight, watching videos, and reading links. It's not easy, but I suspect that even though we all were so adament about "we'll never forget" that most of us have.

I have a tradition that each year around this time I re-read a book I have about one of the survivors. From now on I will also make all the other memories as real as I can.