Better living through drugs

Being able to take essentially as much anxiety medication as I want has made today better. And it was one hideously stressful day. Essentially my insurance still has gotten picked back up through COBRA, despite my calling and begging them to expedite. So I spent $1000 out of pocket on meds. To make that worse my credit card went into frozen because I never use it and the $650 charge reeked of fraud, so I had to use the money I had in my ATM account to pay for that.

I also showed Dr.Mind my 15-20 pages of writing I'd done since last night. He was impressed. As well he should be. Clearly that's going to help, so I actually bought more notebooks on the way home.

I have access to an emergency appointment Thursday with someone else if I need it, but chose to try to make it. Rest is good. I bought some craft things to stay busy. Plus there's the writing. The writing helps me cry and let out some of the feelings that are crammed inside because there's too many to sort through. Of course I cry at anything anyway right now.

My insurance paperwork has been submitted requesting bi-weekly appointments through December. Who knows what they'll say, but I'm glad Dr. Mind decided that without me asking. I need the support. I seem to need to talk through some of what happened, over and over. Traumatic is a really good word for how I feel.

When i say that though there is so much else. It wasn't a bad place. It was good to be isolated from people who were really out of control. It was good to have only 6 of us, and I'll be forever grateful for the private room. Mostly the care was good. There just were things that made it something I'd really rather avoid, the biggest one being that I needed someone to talk to. On the other hand, it gave me a chance to really see how much I've needed to be in the hospital before, because I was one of the sickest people for much of the time and that was so far from the worst I've been, aside from the most suicidal.

Dr. Mind seemed as relieved as I was that Dr. Body is willing to fill in for a few weeks until Dr. Brain is back. I don't think Dr. Mind liked that he had nobody to contact if he got worried about me.

I succeeded in patching my right arm today. So now I've got enough sites I can use that I think I'll be ok.

My medic alert tag came today. I'm getting a 2nd one that is a USB that I can include specifics about allergies etc on, but I needed something that made MAOI very clear immediately. So far I like it. I can't believe how fast it came. I just hope I can find a way to get the USB on the same chain.

So it's about time for me to try to settle into a book and sleep. I've had a bath with essential oils and lots of relaxation to my routine and so far it seems to help.

Tomorrow starts the higher dose of the patch. I should be home all day, so I'll write more of the Locked series.