Mine

I've had a hard time lately finding time to blog.  I'm tired when I get home and can't.  I've been doing paperwork what seems like all the time I have that isn't free.  And this morning I just decided that I can't keep doing that.  I am officially waiting on one person.  Ok, so it sounds more rebellious than it is: I need to talk to the caregiver who isn't available until 8 AM before I can finish.  I am actually physically relaxing from this decision.

I have reached a place where, well, where I need Dr. Mind.  But he's booked and I'm wait-listed.  Not surprisingly because I have so much going on I'm finding everything makes me feel more and more stressed.  Soon I will tell the story of the man who tired to convince me that black was silver (it's actually pertty funny) but that alone was a nightmare of stress.

Most of my labs are back from my doctor's visit last week.  From what I know/can tell from reading a bit, I do not have polycystic ovaries and from what I understand it looks like either something is messing with my hormones or I truly am beginning menopause, as according to the 3 big hormones I am in 3 phases of my cycle.  I am still waiting for the tests that sound scarier and an actual diagnosis.  Because this year has included so many times that things that seemed far out and nothing to worry about that have come true I am really struggling.  The wait is almost over, and I know that not hearing sooner is a good thing, but it's just more stress.  I also switched back to the other inhaler and i can breathe again but am having adjustment issues there as well.

There's more to say about what happened with my mother.  Thank you all for the support.  Don't ever worry about what you say B.  I promise as long as things are said respectfully I like hearing them.  I also need to say that I was not being very fair in one way.  My maternal grandmother died last week.  She never was in my life.  She is undoubtedly the source of some of my bipolar genes and she simply disappeared for 30 years.  I grew up thinking she was dead.  Then suddenly she was back, wanting to be part of our lives.  I talked to her once in my life.  My mother had a civil but limited relationship with her.   Anyway, after she died the nursing home made errors that made it appear my grandmother had lied about having preplanned her wishes and my mom spent tons of time trying to figure out what to do.  So things haven't been easy for her either.

My time is about up.  I can't wait for vacation.  Just over 2 months....

Later.