Well then

Obviously this wasn't the best day of my life.   I've done several things like contact disability attorneys, look into some ways to help my budget, and painfully talked to my mother.  She was actually wonderful.  We're going to see how some things work out, but I think she's going to work another year and support me.  I am confused as to whether she was aware of the amount needed to keep things going and how long the wait is.  I believe she said she can manage the whole thing until I have income again.  I hate that she won't retire but she said that she honestly has felt quite uneasy about doing so and that one more year working is not going to kill her.  It still makes me very sad, but without her help I'm facing bankruptcy.  If she isn't able to help as much as I think she did then I'll file for bankruptcy just with credit cards.  I applied for 2 more cards last night while I still have an income (technically) and hope that I can spread some debt out that way.  We talked about selling my house cheap and getting out but I won't be able to buy another for years if ever and giving up the earned equity at this point in my life doesn't seem wise.  We talked about my mother possibly buying the house and renting to me, or she will assume part ownership of the house.  I don't really want to stay here but I also think that it is better to refinance and stay put.  More than anything I do not want to wind up renting.  I absolutely hated it before, I was constantly stressed about damage and exceeding pet limits and noise from everyone around me and now it would be even a bigger issue with all the things that cause asthma.  I truly think this is not the time to move.  My mom isn't going to agree to that but the bottom line comes down to I am not well enough to maintain the house in viewing shape.  The other option would be living with my mom until the house sold with my things in storage but that does not sound good at all.

I also did some reading on the social security website and I think I am going to do the first filing without a lawyer.  75% of claims are denied initially and at that point I'll seek help but the first stage is pretty easy and honestly would require me to do the hardest parts anyway.  I do have a few things to clarify with social security tomorrow but if I am reading correctly I can do this first part myself and that makes me feel better.  If I would get through in the first round that would save me 25% of the back-pay they give and if it's for the easy part that I can do myself I'd rather keep that.

I can't seem to settle down, but it has been 2 tough days and I'm just glad that I feel a little control.  I hate that my mother is doing this but am so thankful she can.  I'm doing everything I can to cut costs, like cutting my cell service to the minimum, hopefully my telephone/dsl as well (I wish I didn't have to have a landline but  DSL is my only real internet choice).  I am hoping to find a way to lower my car insurance a bit without running 50 credit checks and then finding out lower auto means insane homeowners with a lot of these places.

Anyway, I just yawned.  I hope that means sleep is coming pretty soon.  It is a bit hard to just relax at the moment.