Perspective

Earlier this weeK I wrote that there are some medication issues I'm facing that I have been really upset about. As I've written before I rely on patient assistance programs through pharmaceutical companies which provide non-generic medications to low-income individuals. I also use various discount cards that help make some generics more affordable. Those that I can't lower the cost enough I am going off of. Some are being replaced with something else while others are being stopped. One med that I tried to stop and which seemed like a reasonable choice wound up having a role in my sleep. So it's all difficult trying to keep med costs from taking all my money yet having adequate meds. With the non-generic meds which tend to be the most important I have had assistance with most. Emsam, the antidepressant patch that really made an enormous difference in my life in the last 3 years, is non-generic, not commonly used and therefore quite expensive. I don't make the cut for their assistance program by a very narrow margin. They make no exceptions and the cost is far beyond what I could do or my mom could do. So in the last week I've discovered that I'm going to have to go off of it and onto some other oral MAOI. Oral MAOIs are more volatile than Emsam which is frustrating enough, but the recommendation is to have 2 weeks off any antidepressant, MAOI or not, before starting another. If you switch from an MAOI to another type of med you still have the wash-out period. I hoped I could be on oral selegeline, which is the medication in Emsam but the oral med isn't strong enough for depression (it treats Parkinson's disease). I don't know what is happening yet aside from I have about 2 months worth of Emsam and will have to wean off for quite a while. Dr. Brain hasn't given me a specific plan; this is a busy time for her and she may not know fully yet what they'll do since this is an unusual situation. MAOIs are used rarely, MAOI to MAOI is REALLY , unusual at point in time. Sometimes specialists at Cleveland Clinic in obscure things find ways to get meds adjusted a little more easily with the MAOIs. Based on coming off my prior antidepressant which wasn't even working well I know this will be really hard. In fact last time I landed in the hospital earlier than intended and not fully weaned because I wasn't safe anymore. We know that, so that may help. But it all depends how strictly they feel the rules must be followed. I've spent a lot of time this week crying about this. It seems so unfair in so many ways, most of what you can figure out yourself. I suspect I'm facing 2-3 weeks inpatient and that is something I dread beyond description. I was supposed to start reducing suicide precaustions soon; now they'll extend. On and on. The death of 20 children and 7 adults at the will of someone who seemingly had no reason, if there even could be a reason to kill 20 first graders, the loss and the horror and the increasingly horrible picture of what happened in there as it emerges is so awful that I realize that my perfectly valid upset about this medication thing is nothing. I am losing a medication that works in a very difficult to experience manner, plunging into stricer restrictions in diet and medications (my asthma meds are recommended to only use in emergencies for example but breathing is good), and still will be paying a good bit I think. My life will be messed up until about spring. And all that rightfully is upsetting. But I just was sending a facebook message to someone and mentioned that I'm expecting to have a tough winter and maybe we can make plans for spring. All I could think of was at least I have a spring. I don't remember the springs when I was 6 or 7 but I had them. I have springs I do remember because I have enough time in my life to repeat it enough to make it ok. And 27 families are facing no spring this year. It will come, but it will just be more grieving instead of the time of (hopeful) recovery that will come for me. It sucks but it's not that bad. Copyright 2006 www.masterofirony.blogspot.com