Bad week since it's only Monday

I've been hanging on to knowing that my house would close on the 19th. I was told that it might be a few days later because of the loan type the buyer has but it was unlikely to be sooner. I counted on that. I clung to that. And with the same amazing ease that this entire sale has been enveloped in it looks like we're closing early. I was going to the house today after I saw Dr. Mind so I could mow if I had to and then call my mom to help me gather the last things. I barely was ok with that plan but knew it would get the good-bye over with and then I could be sad for a while. Instead I tripped over the gasoline hose and fell and bruised my knee pretty badly so I decided to wait until Thursday (we have my niece the next 2 days) to get stuff and then probably sign Friday. I'm struggling with this. I know all the positives. I know this will all work out. I know, I know. But it is a huge thing to lose and apparently I have been wrong in thinking that all the months I've spent being sad about this counted as the grief I needed to feel. It turns out that grieving just starts again and I can't imagine that while I'm living where it is nearly impossible for me to cry because the only privacy I have is my mom sleeping and I'm always afraid she'll wake up, hear me and either try to make it better (she did this this morning and nothing is going to make this not hurt) or just not get it. I think a lot of it is just like my poor knee. If you just look at it you can see a bruise. It's not that big or that deep. However when I climbed into bed and first bent it and then kneeled on it I learned that first appearances are in fact deceiving and that if you look in good light you see that it's a big, deep bruise from above my kneecap to well below it and it is swollen which seems to be hiding some of the bruising. On the very good side I'm on day 4 or 5 without a migraine. Thanks to a colossal mix-up I'm not on Topamax for the moment; I'll resume it next week. Dr. Body finally said he wants me to see a neurologist who can work with Dr. Brain; he didn't realize I can see any dr. at Cleveland Clinic so hopefully when I see her this week she'll be able to get that set up. I don't think it really matters in that there aren't any meds but perhaps there will be something completely off the wall that helps. And having a neuro exam probably isn't the worst thing; my mom has been worried because she's seen a droopy eyelid sometimes since the last, really bad, migraine. I think it's from rubbing my itchy eyes but she will feel better when someone looks in there. This is the longest spell I've had without a migraine in 5 weeks. Hopefully my hormones are settling down. So it's going to be a rather hard week here. I just can't believe this week is here. It's a good thing but it's also so odd to think that after 10 years that isn't my home. I know this sounds ridiculous but it's hard to believe that I'm not going to be moving back in. Mostly I'm tired of maintaining a house I don't live in but it still is where I think of when I think home.....which makes sense while "home" is one bedroom crammed with stuff and shared with 2 cats. Copyright 2006 www.masterofirony.blogspot.com