Decision

I have decided that I will talk to the anesthesiologist about the anesthesia-only nerve block but I do not intend to get one.  If he (I hope it is he as I want a specific doctor) is completely convincing then I'll reconsider but the reality is that I know my body better than they do and I know that if I would do this and become agitated I would not forgive myself for the absolute misery I would endure.  I feel much more at peace with the idea of dealing with more pain.  And really that pain will only be worse for a few days.  The nerve block was only for 3-5 days at best.  I keep thinking that I often get agitated when I have dental work done and I'm fairly sure that it is a great deal less medication to numb part of your mouth than it is to numb your entire leg from the knee down.  My preference is to repeat what was done with my hysterectomy and to have a morphine pump and wean off that over a couple days.  I don't know if my preference will matter there, but that worked extremely well for me and it's always good to go with what we know is good.  I also question what benefit numbing my leg has when the purpose of the traditional nerve block is to decrease swelling and bleeding, which won't be affected by this other thing.

I see all these ways doctors may be unhappy.  They are going to feel like I did my own "google education".  This isn't true, they told me the name of the drug and I looked it up.  Based on what the profile says I'm not comfortable.  And while my reasons probably will sound extreme to them they've probably not recovered surgery much more minor than this while not sleeping, not eating and not being able to sit still, at all, ever, no matter how much medication is given.

I am used to being pushy about my interactions or allergies.  I'm not used to being pushy about something I don't know a ton about. But I feel peaceful about this and I didn't until I decided.  As I said I may change my mind completely.  I'm not sure what the anesthesiologist would have to say to get me to change my mind but I'm not going in with a closed mind, just the opinion that I will change my mind only if I feel that is the correct decision when laid against all the reasons I'm opposed.  I won't have those with me which is too bad (I'll be far enough back to surgery that I won't be allowed to have anything including my glasses), but I think I can remember the main arguments.

Chances are good they'll believe me.  We go to great lengths to establish that I'm a psych patient without stability and that I can easily be thrown off course by seemingly harmless meds and that it is best to stick to what is known.  A psych consult has already been recommended so that nobody messes with my meds.  Psych has been in touch with Dr. No Bedside Manner several times and I let them know about the nerve block dilemma and they declined to weigh in.  (I believe their point was supposed to be that it was anesthesia's call period, not mine at all, but that's just not true.  My body, my decision.  And I think that at least the anesthesiologist that I want would back that decision.)

Now I just have to survive this week.  I have a cat with a probably UTI so I need to figure out how to get her to the vet as well as seeing Dr. Mind and doing a bunch of errands tomorrow (probably this is called seeing the vet Tuesday which is too bad since the cat is not making it to the litter box and I don't think she feels great although she's not in acute distress) and I have all these things to do and yet I am wanting to sleep many hours per day.  That's so rare that it is hard to not indulge it completely.

Oh well.  At least I feel right about one thing.