2 nights but......

I slept about 12 hours last night, maybe a little more although I was awake repeatedly until early morning.  This seems to be a theme.  I had agreed to go see Dr. Mind again today to check in since I'm alone all this week and they get anxious when my mood is bad and I don't have support.  But we'd also agreed I'd cancel if I was sleeping and I did just that.  I'm glad too since I slept about 4 hours longer than I would have if I'd gotten up.

Tonight I am not sleepy at all.  I have a feeling tonight will be a valium night.  I dislike those.  It means tomorrow will be hard and I have things to do tomorrow.  But I don't want to start the not sleeping at all cycle again so I'll do what I have to do. 

I still am surprised that this evened out even a little on its' own.  That doesn't usually happen for me.  I can't really remember a time things got that bad and then improved independently, even if for only a short time.  I've had times I've gone a long time without sleep and crashed but this didn't seem to be that exactly.  I am not great but I'm not horrible either.  I don't know.  Menopause is definitely changing my symptoms and making things easier to manage.  And I know there is an effect because every so often I still have a month that it appears that there are some more hormones operating and this month has been one of them.  In fact this led to my sad experiment.  I wanted chocolate badly but didn't want to eat it all quickly so I decided to buy some and freeze it so that I had to wait a bit to get my treat.  I got mini Reese's cups and guess what?  The middles don't freeze.  So I ate a lot more chocolate than I should have this week.  Oops.

Today is a strange day.  Last year April 4 was when we found out about my brother.  And I remember thinking so many times that I wanted to go back to April 3 when life was so much easier and I didn't have that terrible knowledge.  And now it is April 3 again, a whole year of living with this.  I thought it could never get easier but it has although it is still so hard.

Anyway, back to reading and trying to sleep.
Copyright 2006-2015 www.masterofirony.blogspot.com