Update

The blog will probably not go private May 1.  I still intend to do that but before I do I want to find a way to merge the MOI Med List blog with this one and right now I don't feel well enough to figure out anything.  But it will go private so watch here for updates.  Maybe the new goal should be June 1, just to keep that easy to remember?  

So a lot has changed.  I talked to Dr Brain and because I needed something immediate and I can't afford even a week of Latuda (it would be about $200 for 7 days) that's not going to work right now.  So she increased my Seroquel to 1500 mg, an incredibly high dose.  However she says I can stay on it that way for some time if I need to.  I'm also back on valium pills because she thought maybe the alcohol base for the liquid was causing problems.

So far I've gotten between 5 and 8 hours of sleep each day.  It's never been consecutive but usually I wake up for a while and then take a nap.  I'm much less sedated than I expected which is probably how strong the mania is.  

IT is working somewhat.  The better sleep is really good and really important. Dr Brain said that's the thing to worry about right now.  Tonight is a bad night and hopefully soon I'll be calm enough for my 2nd dose of valium.  Last night I didn't need the 2nd dose at all.  The voices are quieter now although my thoughts are still racing terribly.  I usually wake up feeling quite depressed and by afternoon am manic and it increases until I pass out.

I was completely off Emsam for 3 days.  I put 1/3rd of my usual dose on tonight and will wear it 12 hours then it will be off 12.  We're doing that very cautiously as I don't need added agitation but I don't need to crash into depression.

Right now I'm safe from the hospital if I keep improving.  That is very good.  I was pretty scared that was coming.  

It's still really hard.  This is the worst I've felt in a long time.  It's so hard to function at all like this.  But I am getting some sleep and am not totally knocked out so that's good.