Fighting

Today I learned my car repair bill is huge.  Just what I needed with more medical bills about to hit on top of hte ones I already am dealing with.  Then I actually had time to take a quick nap before Dr. Mind and was feeling better when I left here (only worked a few hours as I'm training someone Saturday).  On my way to Dr. Mind with no time to spare I got a flat tire.  Thankfully AAA got it fixed quickly and I was able to make most of my appointment after crying at the idea of missing.  I needed him badly today.

No big surprises, I'm not in a good place. He says I've tried to avoid dealing with a lot until Dr. Brain was back and that this has not worked well for me.  I'm bad enough to have said something a couple times that made him ask the dreaded suicide questions.  Not an issue, bad phrasing of what I said but still.  ick.  Lots of tears and a bit lesson on backing up to the very basic places I am sent when I'm not well and am overwhelmed.

I then got home and my uterine growth attacked me with severe pain. I have a very high pain tolerance and this was BAD. It did this earlier in the month and apparently can as hormones change and while this time it was bearable because I knew what it was and that last time it only lasted a few hours, this time it wasn't that long but it was bad.  I guess tomorrow I'll talk to a nurse because I may need surgery sooner than i want.  No clue how that will work.  But I can't do this each time my hormones spike either.  This may be a case of saw the dr. just in time to avoid not doing this the way I want.  plus if it is certain kind (I don't know and don't know if the surgeons know either) it can twist and pinch off it's blood supply causing that kind of pain.  It's weird, now I know it is there and I can feel the slight change there outside that I never would have guessed before.  I think my dr. was able to feel it from inside, I think she knew what it was before I had pants on.

still waiting for Dr. Body to respond.

not stressed at all...