More from Thursday

I guess I didn't talk about a few more things from Thursday's check-up that I should.  Like I said I forgot to ask/didn't have time to ask a lot.   I also had to hear that I may have to consider changing jobs.  At that my answer at the time was just "no", but I also know that he would not ever say that if it weren't an issue,  and that  I need to think about it as possible.  What I forgot though was to ask little things, like would working somewhere other than the county where I work help, and what on earth I'm supposed to do, because I am NOT going back to nursing home work?  I can travel and try to focus on home health, but there's no promises there and I could wind up in bad circumstances there too.  I'm trying not to think about this because to me it is a very, very last step option.  We're talking the option that happens AFTER I trial steroids inpatient.

The other thing I did that I can't believe I forgot was to neglect to talk about the loss of quality of life and what/when/how that can come back (without giving up the first job that I've been happy and successful for years).  I'm planning to go back in for a check-up in 4 weeks; he didn't say when but by then we'll know if the Advair works and I still need to be able to ask questions that I didn't get to ask yet.  I guess then is when we'll discuss it.  I'm kind of setting a goal in my mind of November as when I need to feel better, enough so that if I make it that long without steroids I will be talking to him next time about doing steroids at that year mark to see if I can get to be Jen again.  I am so tired of this bed.  I'm kind of assuming that by then Dr. Brain will have my moods stabilized again.

I also need, and this isn't just with Dr. Body and I have no idea how, probably more a Dr. Brain thing, but I have no clue what is asthma and what is depression. I'm having manic periods too, but seem mainly to be depressed and intensely anxious.  That seems to be Dr. Mind's view as well.  But how would you not feel depressed after months on end of feeling physically crappy with no end in sight and the ability of anyone to make you feel better being very tricky because of 2 conditions that negate on another?  I also, and i am ashamed to admit this, i've had trouble with remembering patches. i had a case for them in my purse and I lost it and keep forgetting to put new ones in my purse so that if i forget it I really forget it.  I need to come up with a system; I'm just not used to needing on because putting one one was so routine.  i don't know what's making it hard now aside from my memory isn't great, I am more tired and more hurried in the mornings, and I think to some extent I feel depressed enough to feel like it doesn't matter, it doesn't make my life better.  I have to talk to Dr.  mind about this and he's going to be less than pleased.  he won't get mad except that i have taken too long to admit this, but because I'm on the fragile side I won't get that response as much as i will get a stern reminder of how stupid that is.  Which is true.  (Stupid being my word)

Anyway, i need to take pills.  Which means finding food.  I did eat mac and "cheese" and some corn tonight so that's good, but I have to have a pill food as well and that I'm unsure of.  Maybe I can eat an egg.  Protein would be a good thing....