How tired is Just Me?

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Just me is soooooooo tired that she cancelled counseling, and relatively at the last minute too.  I never do that.  I'm very aware of the financial assistance I am given, and so I try to never cancel when I know it means Dr.Mind might have had a chance to see someone else and actually earn money that hour.  But today I did.  I worked and when I realized I had no energy whatsoever and that getting home at bedtime would be impossible I cancelled.


I did go have supper at my mom's and saw my sister and niece for a bit.  That was good but I shouldn't have because it made me more tired.  And I'm working Saturday and Sunday to make up for my days off because I'll not even have enough PTO acquired when I have surgery to cover one week off, much less the 2 that I need to take.  My short term disability doesn't kick in fast enough to help, so I'm just going to be unpaid for 6 days.  Which is not my idea of fun.  Thankfully I do have the help that is July being the 3 paycheck month, which is a very good thing as I should be able to squirrel much of that away and I'll defer my huge student loan for a month.  It is so much that a little more added to the payment won't matter.  My niece remains adorable.  The other day I sang her a song that is really a shortened version of a much nicer song my sister sings to her.  It's about a frog and involves sticking your tongue out a bunch of times.  This also is the baby sign for frog.  So as soon as she saw me she grinned and stuck her tongue out.  Apparently rather than Aunt Jen I am the frog lady.  She's  awesome though; I mean how smart is remembering that so clearly?  She's also cracking me up because she's standing without support, except she likes to hold something to pretend she has support.  At one point she was supporting herself with my medic alert necklace.  Now that's stable.....But she has a point, why fall before you can walk if you don't have to, if all kinds of adults are there to hang onto however pointlessly?  I love that little girl so very much. I wish I could see her more.  Someday when I  can sell this house and move to where I work I'll only be 45-60 minutes from her.  By then she'll be old enough to spend weekends with Aunt Frog.  I  can't wait.


I'm praying for a good resolution to some scheduling issues.  There have been issues with this for a long time and I started being much more assertive last week.  There were more today, things that frustrate me because I'm not supposed to schedule myself to keep things more central and somehow I was scheduled to go hours away from one place to another.  I really, really hope someone listens.  I didn't do a full load today and am still exhausted; I suspect I'm going to be tired for a while now, maybe even until my surgery. I think between blood loss, hormones going crazy, pain, and asthma I don't have much chance for a while.  So hopefully I am wrong, but it's something I'll have to see to believe and am trying to adjust to the idea that I'm just not going to feel great until surgery in 7.5 weeks and then of course it will take a few days before I recover.  As I understand it I'm going to be under anesthesia for an hour or even a few more if there is anything to remove, like endometriosis or my ovary or both, and the dr. warned me that I'll not feel great for several days afterward and that is without the part where I'll have been off of my MAOI and probably will miss a dose of lithium as well, which isn't a big deal but when one med is off everything matters more.  (If I'm not allowed fluids and take lithium I tend to become a little confused and toxic sx  appear, like clumsiness, difficulty finding words, etc.  That is ok in a way because my mom will be driving, but it's not good when i need to make informed decisions at the hospital and it makes me look drunk which is not idea when going into surgery; they tend to like people sober.  If I take it and get IV fluids early in the morning I'll be fine but I can't go very long without liquid.  This is something Dr. Brain gets to figure out.)


I seem to be getting sleepy so I'm going to see where that leads.  6 or 7 hours of sleep sound pretty wonderful right now....