Two more weeks

I have 2 weeks of work (and one day) and then will be off until I'm recovered.  It's so hard to have no concept what that will take.  I realized today that since the pulmnologist was concerned about how my vocal cords will tolerate being intubated that he may want to see said vocal cords sooner than 2 months post-op.  I called and the receptionist got things all confused with something about a surgical release which he isn't worried about so it took like 4 phone calls to straighten out that oh, yeah, checking me soon after surgery may not be a bad idea.  Now if I can just get some kind of information about how he can get information to anesthesiology we may be organized.  The problem is that Cleveland Clinic's pulmonologists dismissed everything I said and actually refused to let me talk once they realized I was bipolar.  And that is what the doctors will want to rely on, which they need to know from someone who actually treats me, someone who has seem my test results, that I have signficant asthma and damaged vocal cords and need care to be taken, may need some extra help breathing for a while afterwards.  (ie lots of breathing treatments and oxygen). 

The thing is that although there is risk in taking days off pre-op in that I could become more anxious right now anxiety is murdering me and so I long for time with less stress and the only way to get that is not working.  I have made it 2 days without a panic attack but I've also cut off use of my asthma meds to the minimal to decrease stimulation from those as well as I've been taking lots of anxiety medication.  Neither is ideal.  Dr. Mind will be back and I'll see him Monday, and that is good.  I hope that he and more frequent visits for a couple weeks will help me calm down enough to be able to breathe and think simultaneously.  I'd forgotten what panic attacks feel like, and particulary had forgotten what severe ones are like since I'd not had one in about 15 years.  I don't think I've ever had one that severe with as minimal a trigger as the horrible one.

I know I had more to say.  I'm falling asleep though so more tomorrow I guess.