I finally did it

It has now been 13 months since I came home from the hospital on suicide precautions.  To manage meds the agreement was that I would have a locked box at home with a combination lock.  That box contains things that can't hurt me easily, like vitamins.  It also contains a pill box (2 at this time of year with snow storms) with the daily pills for 1-2 weeks.  I also have a box with a padlock that contains all my dangerous meds.  Dr. Mind has the keys to this box.  Every week we take a 5 minute break so I can fill my boxes.  It's annoying and we were reaching the end of being forced to do this when this whole new medication thing came up and now my history means I will be on close watch until I'm done.  Dr.Brain is being extremely (frustratingly) conservative with this (Dr. Mind would have let me off a couple months ago although he would have re-started with medication changes).  The deal was basically that I would comply and not argue.  And I have, although I have asked to be let out of it a few times.

Anyway at first Dr. Mind carefully monitored to be sure I wasn't taking handfuls of anything.  Eventually he let me do it alone and just made sure I gave him the keys.  I think he also watches that I've lcoked the box but I'm not sure.  Th en the box goes in a backpack and when it is time for me to fill the pill box for the week I pull that pill box out, then add the vitamins and other safe meds.  It's annoying but it is routine now.  I made it to now.  I think I was talking and out of habit locked my meds in the box I can't open.  

I fortunately do not have to make a desperate trip to Dr. Mind's office tomorrow.  I had various times that I miscounted or had a few extra or that I knew would be good to have a couple extras.  I managed to put it together out of my scrap piles but I can't believe I did this.  I knew I would sometime but I assumed it would have been months ago.  Oh no, I paid attention back then.

I knew I'd do this.  Apparently Dr. Mind needs to not just focus on getting the keys away from me and instead needs to make sure I don't safely lock up my week of meds.

OH well.  Life goes on.