The first time

My niece is just a few weeks past 3 years old. She's due to be a big sister in a week (although my sister is having some contractions now so maybe sooner) and she's anxious. Her mommy hasn't been able to do as much as usual for a while because the baby is big, breech and my sister is very uncomfortable and has contractions when she does anything. She knows mommy will be in the hospital for a few days. It's all very stressful. Along with that is the simple fact that in many ways we avoided any two year old issues at all. Anne is cognitively quite far ahead for her age and socially she's a bit behind. She interacts very well with adults and so we didn't have tantrums at the usual age because she could tell us what she wanted. Well, now she has tantrums and they can be nasty, with hitting, scratching, throwing things and biting. Usually they happen because she refuses to nap and things are compounded by some bowel issues related to control. Enough days of constipation make her pretty touchy. A month or so ago she had one of her no-nap, worn out couple days and during the course of 2 days she bit me, called me names, and said she didn't like me and I was to go away. My sister did not make her apologize for the behaviors and in fact told me not to correct them because she was tired. That last one was because she was angry that I told her I put too much milk in her glass and I took a sip to keep it from being too full. It happened just before I saw Dr. Mind and I told him about it. He told me that I need to stop this. My sister has to treat me better in front of my nieces and I have the right to control what happens to my body. I am not required to let my sister be mean to me, particularly in front of the girls. I thought a lot and when I got home that day I sat down with her and talked about how she hurt my feelings and there are better ways to say "Aunt Jen I am VERY mad at you right now". This actually worked pretty well and there have been a lot fewer behaviors directed at me. Today however we took her to do something and she was overtired from not napping and she wasn't listening well and when I said something to her she tried to bite me. I had on a sweatshirt (in Ohio! In AUGUST!) and so she didn't make it but she followed it with a grin. When I tried to tell her know she tried to scratch me. And then it happened... For the first time in my life I told someone that they were not allowed to hurt me. I took control of my body for the first time in 37 years. I don't know how to explain how big this feels and also how silly it is that it took a 3 year old for me to learn this but the thing is that I finally did it. She'll try to bite me again but I don't have to let her and I don't have to be quiet. It was the weirdest thing to realize this. Maybe I'm finally learning what the videos they always showed in school about what to do if someone tries to hurt you were saying. Copyright 2006 www.masterofirony.blogspot.com