So long I can't remember

Two weeks of therapy now that I have felt so much better that I have looked it to Dr. Mind.  It's been a long time for that but even longer since I had a therapy session where I did not cry at all.  I can't even guess when that last happened.  It was a good thing.  It's weird to be relaxed in there; I'm so used to struggling through every hour and usually crying through most of it. 

At the end of a not-high-pressure session he pointed out that when I'm feeling good he doesn't have to push so hard as he had been doing.  After the monster pushing day that led to sobbing in the car for an hour and blowing my nose repeatedly into a rag I had in the car for cleaning it that was full of Armor-All I told him maybe not so hard and that I've decided Armor-All ingestion was the solution to everything.  I've had patients swear up and down that spraying WD-40 on arthritic knees helps them; perhaps my theory isn't much different.

Otherwise Anne is here visiting. She didn't want much to do with me when I got home which is odd but later wanted only me.  She tends to divide things up and likes to follow the same routine.  Usually grandma helps her with the potty, especially if she has to poop (she has constipation that is really bad).  Sometimes I'm allowed.  The first night here she always wants Annie's Macaroni and Cheese, made with butter.  I ALWAYS do her bath.  After bath we ALWAYS put on "grandma's special lotion" which is really lavendar baby lotion.  Then we ALWAYS watch 2 episodes of the same show and then grandma ALWAYS reads to her.  She ALWAYS goes to bed with a blanket I made for her even though the equivilant blanket at home doesn't have to be part of bedtime every night.  The girl likes her routines.  And I like my girl.  Excuse me, my big girl.  I like my little girl too but she's not here.  She's at home working on growing and growing and growing.  Her body is making up for lost time.  I am astonished at how she has gone from looking pale and thin and not growing to gaining probably 2 lbs in the last 10 days, growing longer and her skin color is pink and healthy.  She still looks like she was born a few days ago but not for much longer.  I also feel so relieved because from the minute I first held her I thought something didn't look right.  I am so relieved to know that it was her skin color and she looked sick because she was sick.  She's still very delicate featured and that is probably just how she is, but there's a huge difference between delicate and ill.

Anyway, it was a good day.  I'm tired but that's fine.  Since I'm just getting back to all my meds tonight that's to be expected.