Weird

I grew up with a girl who was a natural athlete.  She played 3 sports and was very good at all of them.  In fact I learned the hard way that she was so competitive that she had a hard time having empathy for someone who wasn't as good or who wasn't competing because they were injured.  I remember her acting as if being out for a game or two was the end of the world while I quietly sat and kept stats for 3 seasons in a row due to injury.  In fact the only reason I ever competed after my first semester sophomore year was just to say I did it my senior year.  I was allowed to run cross country meets that weren't too muddy, too uphill, or otherwise too hazardous and it was a huge deal when I beat someone.  My main memory of her though was once I accidentally stepped on her hand and she threw a huge fit and yelled at me like I did it on purpose.  I'm sure it did hurt, the running shoes I had on had a sole with good traction that wasn't meant for skin but it's not like I was trying to tromp on her.

Anyway I hadn't heard her name in 20 years.  I really had totally forgotten her untl it began popping up what she is doing these few weeks.  She's a sport psychologist working with some athletes in Sochi.  And that's when it feels a lot more like some people get everything and others (me) fight constantly.

It's not that I don't know she worked hard to get where she is and that I don't think it's great that she is there.  What a dream realized.  I just wish my dream had been realized too.

I keep trying to remember that every year one of the school's awards was given that was supposed to be the highest honor for an athlete, something about exemplifying team spirit and leadership.  It generally went to the top athletes and she may have gotten it.  But she didn't get it for the same reason I did.  When they announced the award my year they first said the coaches had unanimously decided to give the award differently that year and instead of going to athletic leaders as it had in the past it was going to 2 people (1 girl, 1 boy) who had proven dedication to sports that exceeded that of anyone on the playing fields for all four years in any sport.  It was awarded to me (injured after completing 3 seasons and although I kept nearly making it back I'd get hurt and need more surgery and so I was out until that last somewhat pitiful cross country season) and to a kid from Saudi Arabia who didn't have the language skills to play football and follow the plays but who had a true hard for the game and did everything he could to support his team as a manager.  I got a lot of awards that day.  Only one made me cry.  (My grandma had just died and I was emotional).

But high school aside, I just wish that things were different and that instead of my biggest achievement of the day being that I told Dr. Brain that I can't increase Topamax because it is still knocking me out whenever I'm not agitated that I had done something worthwhile.

Someday.