What a day

Dr. Mind was not very happy to hear my definition of crying has been "a few tears".  I knew that was coming.  He went through a whole thing about balloons with too much pressure popping and that my way of handling this means that balloon is going to pop with the consequences I think I'm avoiding.  We talked and I cried and then suddenly I was REALLY crying, the shaking, sobbing, can't talk kind of crying that I so rarely do even there.  And that was exhausting.  I don't know how to be open with my mom or family about this.  They don't get it and I hate the results of being open.  But I know he's right and I can't hide it either.

Then I came home and it was nice for a vast change in the weather and I still had a ton of energy so I did a bunch of work in my "house" that we don't talk about.  I sorted through my kitchen stuff and filled a box for Goodwill, consolidated some linens and packed up clothes to store in the basement, and then sorted boxes into "basement" and "upstairs".  Tomorrow my goal is to take all the basement stuff down there.  If I do that it will be started to look a bit like a living room.  I also have some boxes stuffed away; some in my room and a pile in a closet but those are things that are waiting for the closets to be completed.  So that felt pretty good.

I've had a rough night.  The puppy has stayed with me every week for 5 months and sometimes before that.  The last 2 weeks he has cried until I lay on my mom's bed and wait for him to sleep.  Which means I'm not relaxing myself and it doesn't work well.    I had to do this twice so far tonight because I thought he'd stay asleep if I microwaved something and I was wrong.  So I had to let him out of the crate and outside and then start all over.  Fun.  I don't know what to do about this; he can't just keep doing this every week.  It's too hard on my sleep.

I am concerned about a possible side effect from the Seroquel dose I'm on. I think I'm having bladder spasms.  Either that or I have a really odd UTI.  But bladder spasms match more closely and fit with my history of extrapyramidal reactions.  It's a little hard to know though because the reports online list side effects on the approved doses and I'm on about twice that (not quite).  It is an accepted, safe, and often used in tough cases dose but the side effects can vary from what is listed on the drug profile.  Anyway I emailed Dr. brain and I guess tomorrow will include a trip to the drugstore (3 in 3 days!) for a home UTI test.    I really hope it's a UTI because I don't want to have to reduce this dose that is helping, minimal though it my be.

And that's about it.  Eyes are tired from crying, body from unpacking, mind from thinking too fast and bladder from withheld urine.  Yippee.