Summer plans

Tomorrow I will be booking my entire summer.  I saw the orthopedist yesterday and he gave me the choice of bracing my ankle in a custom brace long term (which as a therapist I could never do; it would just get weaker and weaker and less and less functional) or do surgery.  It is quite extensive surgery and will take all summer to be back to just walking wearing 2 shoes and without crutches.

I overheard the dr and resident discussing something that sounded like they think I ruptured the most frequently injured ligament in one of my recent falls.  There also is a set of tendons on the outside of your leg that they must feel are no longer in the track they should be in because the surgery will tack those down.  In total I'll have 3 surgeries in one:  arthroscopy to be sure there aren't bone fragments or ligaments torn that we don't know about now (there is concern I tore another one on the inside with my fall down the stairs), they will shorten the overly stretched ligaments, remove scar tissue and tack that down with part of a tendon (?) and then tack down those tendons. 

I'll know more specifics tomorrow but I will be non-weightbearing for 6 weeks.  Most surgeons do 2 weeks in a half-cast splint until sutures are out then 4-6 weeks in a cast, then a cam walker with really gradual increases in weightbearing.  I won't even start therapy until I'm out of a cast.  I'm hoping to do this the 2nd week of June which means that I'll be getting out of the cast around Anne's birthday, off crutches around Geraldine's birthday and walking a little in 2 shoes by
early September.  I'll know an actual date tomorrow and I think more about the surgery.  At this point I know major surgery, about a 3 inch incision plus 2 1-inch incisions, long recovery, I need a walker and crutches, I have a script for a year long handicap parking pass and I'll spend a huge amount of time sitting on the couch or bed with my foot elevated in the first month of recovery.

I'll be glad to be done with this.  However, it may not happen on this schedule at all because Dr. Mind is looking at an unexpected potential job offer and if he leaves I'll delay surgery.  I can deal with 2 of these huge things at once.  I can't handle new therapist, brother in trouble, summer of sitting around all at once.  I honestly can't imagine going through my brother's trial and sequelae without Dr. Mind but I can't go there right now.  The job doesn't sound like what he wanted.  It is not a sure thing.  At least one thing he did not want. I know he has turned down things that haven't been what he wanted. But at the same time this is his chance to follow a dream.  I selfishly want him to stay but I also know that if he goes it is the right thing for him.  I absolutely cannot imagine life without him but if he has to do this then I want to find a way to be happy for him. 

My feelings with him are so complicated.  He has been a big part of my life for so long and we have a comfortable relationship.  I feel completely safe with him which is really rare for me.  He knows enough that he can pick up on my concerns without my having to word them sometimes and at times like now that is a very good thing.  He is someone that I can  feel sure is on my side and really cares about me.  Those things matter.  So much.

I know if he is leaving he'll help me as much as he can.  That's the only reason I know about it at all; he knows time to adjust to ideas really matters for me and I know that my knowing has made this harder on him.  He has told me that he's never treated anyone as long as he has treated me and so he doesn't really know how you stop a relationship that has lasted so long. 

Nonetheless it is really hard to know that I'm waiting on yet another thing.  Moving is getting really close; maybe tomorrow.  I think tomorrow will work; we have things relatively under control and so I think we can move without it taking hours of heavy work prior to moving the cats and helping them adjust.  They'll be thrilled to leave this tiny space but it will be a big change for them.  They have to learn to use a cat door for one thing.

The big thing today is that there are no more unpacked boxes except photos that go straight into a drawer that isn't in place yet.  There are things all over to be put away but the stack of boxes is gone.  Thank God!  I am so tired of seeing cardboard.  It is looking really nice over there.

So I need to get some rest.  This week has involved so much driving and I'm completely worn out physically and emotionally.

More to come.