Like getting into college

I've been accepted to the mood disorder unit. Good thing since my dr. emailed this morning that it was the only place she'd let me go. (Which really means she'd make sure I got in there). Nonetheless, I'm accepted. I don't know details yet, but I'm pretty sure I go Monday. Weird to get accepted not on achievements but on pathology.

I told work before I even knew this that tomorrow would be my last day. I just can't do it anymore. Tomorrow will be a long, long day I'm sure.

I had a really nice thing happen. When I saw Dr. Mind he told me how worried he's been about me. Apparently my more appropriate actions during this have earned me new honesty. Anyway, he told me he was less worried today because I didn't seem manic anymore. He was careful that I saw how delayed my speech is, something I'm already aware of because it is getting frustrating. Plus it shows up in writing; I keep spelling things weirdly and using the wrong words or leaving words out. It feels like my thinking has to pass through 20 lbs. of jello on the way out. I also was made aware of exactly how low my functional score is. No wonder I feel so awful. He was also honest enough to tell me this may get worse before this is over. Which I knew but the honesty is so very appreciated.

That wasn't the nice thing. The nice thing was that I now have one more benefit of going where I do and having gone there so long. It's quite likely I'm their longest continuous patient, since I've gone there since it was only a couple years old. The office staff have known me for many years, and the various therapists have helped with finding ways to treat me over the years. They also have at different times taken on coverage when Dr. Mind was away and I've been at risk enough before to have had someone made aware of what I might need. Plus, it's a small place and if nothing else everyone has seen me hanging around waiting rooms. Anyway, I guess at their staff meeting this week they all prayed for me and have continued to do so. That was the thing that actually made me cry today. I can't believe that Dr. Mind even cared enough to do that. I guess I can be sure I'm not just a substantial chunk of his paycheck......

So tomorrow I should find out details of the admission. I hope. They're supposed to call me.

I'll be home this weekend. I've got a lot of comments I want to answer, you've said some wonderful things, but right now I can't. I doubt I will this weekend, but when I get back home I promise responses. I love you isn't a phrase I throw around much, but those of you who have gone out of your way to make me feel cared about and listened to, those of you who just read and who support me quietly, I love you.

More tomorrow after the ordeal of notifying my contract.........