Oof

So yesterday I explained to work about the MAOI taper, time off work, etc.   Thursday Dr. Mind and I went through it all.  I thought everything was in place. Until I got an email from Dr. Brain.  One of the anesthesiologists feels the anesthesia can be done without the MAOI taper.  Good news, right?  Except I did not feel good at it at all.

For one thing I've sort of been banking on the time off.  I have a significant depression going on here and I realize that going off my antidepressant won't make that go away but it would let me have some time to function at a lower level while not feeling well.  Between being in pain all the time now and various other things I have depression that is relatively severe and 4 weeks of working while in pain is too overwhelming.

I later asked about if I could come off to try some aggressive med changes prior to surgery to let me have some depression management.  If I'm on the antidepressant I'd rather not go into surgery with something that could make recovery harder.

And  then I realized my real problem.  I don't feel safe staying on the MAOI.  Too many doctors have too many opinions.  Too many doctors don't know enough about MAOIs, much less nurses who operate on standing orders at times and could easily not think/not know what to be careful of. and give me something that would interact.  I'll need breathing treatments and those interact with the MAOI.  And it would be possible to have an anesthesiologist who is the one actually doing my procedure want me off the MAOI and send me home, which would be unbearable.

So I sent yet another email to Dr. brain with these concerns.  As odd as it is, as  hard as it is, I want to come off it.  I feel safer that way.  It's not all about time to handle my depression, it's about that but it's also about feeling safe with being unable to protect myself from the wrong meds.

I don't know what she'll say.  I hope she'll understand.  It's a big thing to do because of fear, but it's also very valid fear.  And she strangely wasn't pushing this approach really, just asking what I thought, so maybe the same things have occurred to her.  Hopefully we'll see soon.