The last post before surgery

I am to be at the hospital at 7:30 AM tomorrow, having taken 2 showers with antibacterial soap with particular emphasis on a clean belly button (one of the incisions goes there).  Shower one is planned for about 20 minutes from now.  I am fighting to stay awake (of course, after not sleeping for 2 weeks I finally want to sleep when I need to stay up to eat one last time before surgery.)  Shower two is in the morning.  I don't know what time surgery actually is; I assume around 9 or 10 probably.

I'm amazingly calm; I've waited so long to get this fixed.  I just pray there is something to fix.

Everything is in order otherwise; I have a bag of things for my mom to bring to me once I'm admitted to a room. My house is clean and has nice, clean upstairs carpeting.  The flooded basement carpet reeks.  I emptied 3 gallons of water from the dehumidifiers  in 6 hours today.  Even then there is a lot of drying to go.  I even rearranged my bedroom slightly.  Everything has been in the same place in there since Dr. Mind made me rearrange things 5 years ago when he was trying to physically wear me out with forced long walks and this furniture moving thing.  It took a while for me to get a sense of humor about this; he told me some thing about changing where I slept would change my nightmares but later admitted to the attempt at exhausting me.  It did work and I slept better from the time all that moving was done (which coincided with weighted blanket #1 being started, which is probably the real reason but we'll ignore that part.)

Mostly I just want to be at this point tomorrow.  I have everything I can control under control, and what I can't control I can't control.  Lack of control is far and away the hardest part of this; I mean really, tomorrow someone is going to knock me out, cram various cameras into various orifices, create NEW orifices and cram things in those, then stick me in a bed and hopefully explain what has been so wrong.

It's too much to really think about.

But tomorrow morning, please say a prayer for the surgeons and anesthesiologists and the psych team who have to work together to manage a very complicated situation.

I'll post when I get home.  That's probably Wednesday, possibly Thursday, depending how I do, if they can manage my pain easily, etc.

Miss you all.