For the past few weeks it has been really weird as I've been treated for JUST depression. JUST depression is not something I see very often and it has feel odd.
Well, it's over. Mania has started and now I'm back to my typical mixed episode. The net result is that I am EXHAUSTED (the med change last night didn't get me to sleep sooner but did make me groggy until about 7 pm) and yet having a hard time sitting still. I have probably done more around the house in the last hour than I have in 2 or 3 months in the last 25 minutes. Granted, 25 minutes isn't very long and I didn't do anything fancy. But I did make recyclables take up less space and bagged them, I washed a few dishes, I cleaned off the stovetop since something had spilled without my knowledge. Last night in a similar burst of MUST DO SOMETHING NOW at the unfortunate hour of about 2:30 AM I straightened up my bedroom. It's not done but it's neater than it has been in a very long time. And truly at this point I'm happy with just "nothing growing where it shouldn't".
One thing that gets hard with these periods is that I wind up feeling a combination of exhaustion from the depression and "THIS WILL NOT DO, CLEAN IT UP, FIX IT NOW" from the mania. And of course listening to the mania just makes me more tired and listening to the depression makes the mania unbearable. Hopefully this is just because of the med change and won't last long.
I scheduled a time next week to return company property and get my stuff. That's likely to send me back to the down side again. But I need to get it over with as I dread it and know it's going to be a very hard time and I just need to get past it. I honestly think it was easier to quit than to do this, probably because that task tends to be pretty hard when you are leaving a job to go to another. This time the books and things that have always traveled with me from job to job will move to places in my home. Hard to imagine.
Anyway, I'm going to try to take meds a little early and hope I can go to the city a little early tomorrow so I can get a script filled and pick up milk and the like before I see Dr. Mind so that we can lock up the dangerous med instead of my having it locked in the car (not good for it) until next week.
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2 comments:
Wow, what a change. I hope that it's short-lived, too. Good for you for scheduling that appointment to get your gear from the workplace. You're so wise to just get it behind you. Like I said yesterday, I think you will find that people are kind and understanding.
I will keep you in prayer, Jen.
If you want the link to a new daily devotional I've started receiving, let me know. Here's today's word:
Psalm 32:8 WEB
I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you shall go.
I will counsel you with My eye on you.
Promise #39: I will look after you and teach you the way that is best.
God doesn't leave us alone to try to figure out life all by ourselves. The Bible says that He is closer to us than we could possibly imagine. In Psalm 139, King David tells us that God knows everything about us and is familiar with all our ways (Psalm 139:1-3). In today's promise, we read that God has committed Himself to teach us in the way we should go and guide us into what is best.
The New Living Translation says Psalm 32:8 this way... The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. (NLT) May the promise of our Father's tender guidance bring a sense of rest and security to our hearts today. May we know that we are not alone in this life. Each step that we take is carefully guided by a loving Father who has only our best interests at heart.
God is everything that we need when we need it. He is our Father, our brother, our savior, our friend, our healer, our redeemer and our teacher. Time and space would fail to speak of the many ways that the Triune God (Father, Son & Holy Spirit) watches over us every moment of our lives.
This might seem totally off the wall but I need to ask you about verbiage which I have noticed in recent years. You sometimes use the same sentence constuction. I have never heard phrases such as the following which I picked up from a blog comment: "I also sew my daughters shoes and clothes if they need fixed too...I just can't hem (no sewing machine)."
I have never heard sentences which omit congugations of "to be." I would write the sentence above "if they need TO BE fixed."
Please explain.
(((hugs))) Michal
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