Manic

One of the reasons I was hesitant to say I was feeling better was that I knew this might happen, in fact that it nearly definitely would happen.  My mood has swung a little too far up.  And then down.  And as of now back up.

The time I've put into Dr. Mind's arts and crafts probably was a hint.  It just felt so good to enjoy doing anything and having something that my lack of memory and focus can't mess up easily that I thought I was just having fun.  More like I was completely making the most complicated, detailed collage ever.  It's been hard to put down and I truly thought it was just enjoyable although I knew I was a bit manic.  And then I realized that I had done what I never, ever do and gotten so involved I missed meds.  Since they don't really help with sleep it's probably fine, but still, not a good thing to forget.  I can also tell I was manic because there are things I cut out that make no sense whatsoever or that I know I thought were witty or funny and that now make me wonder exactly what is so funny about 3 seemingly unrelated words.

I'm sure part of it is that I had to really apply myself this weekend.  One of the most important forms in determining disability (I believe) was in my mailbox yesterday and according to the instructions must be sent tomorrow.  In fact it almost sounds like I have to fax it, which I can't afford.  I called and left a message with my claims person.  But that form was tough.  Partly it was tough because sitting still and writing is hard.  I did it by filling in notes with pencil and then using that to write an answer.  For 20 very detailed questions, especially since giving as much information as possible benefits me.  It was also emotionally hard to read my answers, particularly when I realized I hadn't changed the kitty litter in an astoundingly long time (it's been changed now).  But gross.  All the hygiene things I struggle with are hard.  Being honest that I need help/supervision with med management for safety also was not the highlight of my life.  But the questions about how I interact with others, can I do this, this, this, this and this (no, no, no, no and no, without help) really were hard.  Also writing about the changes in what I can do now compared to a number of months ago was unpleasant.  I felt like writing "nothing" and moving on, but that wouldn't help.

Finally, congratulations to Michal, our ski patrol queen, from someone who tripped doing nothing and fell into a laundry basket that was rather hard to get out of!

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