Disconnected

This post is all over the place, so be forewarned:

• I sent in a computerized request to see Dr. Sweetheart sooner.  I got back an appointment for Sept. 11.  I called the office where I was given a hard time and the receptionist wouldn't believe that Dr. Sweetheart hands regular gyn. issues for me.  (Never mind that one of the things she does is difficult hysterectomies......).  So I was told Dr. S. is out of town this week, I CERTAINLY can't come next week and they'll decide if I can have an appointment after she gets back.  Don't call us, we'll call you.  Annoying.  Like I'm making it up that she's my gyn.  At this rate Sept. 11 might be a great day.  Problem being that if it is that far off then surgery probably can't be until December because I will be on vacation in November and want to feel good enough to have fun, and also good enough to handle the 12 hour car trip.
• I'm spending a good bit of time working on my niece's birthday gift.  My sister asked me to make her bean bags.  I've got 7 big ones done.  I'm hoping to make 12 big, 12 smaller and a few bean bag animals.  We'll see.  It's really a fast process but I have a short attention span.  It would be much easier if my cat didn't keep sticking his feet and head under the needle.
• Thursday I will be going back into PTSD with Dr. Mind.  I am anxious about this, mainly because I don't understand how it works.  He said about the same as it has been, then modified that to add with some variation for the need for me to say and feel things.  So we'll see.  I am glad to get going though because dreading it won't make it easier.
• I think that my mania is pretty much over.  It made a huge difference when I got some sleep over the last few days.  Yesterday I was exhausted at Dr. Mind's but came home and took a nap that seems to have helped with some of the exhaustion.
• I am officially having discomfort in my pelvis every day.  Often it doesn't exactly hurt, but then it does hurt every day to some extent.  I will be glad to move past this time in my life.
• I am worried that my doctor is going to think that I heard hysterectomy and jumped up and down in excitement and then began pushing to have it by getting Dr. Brain involved.  I realize this is unlikely and that they are both used to Dr. Brain being a part of things but it feels like cheating to try to get this done now instead of waiting the 6 months she wanted.  Then again, it is not good to be afraid of your period
• I finally have a window open after weeks of being too hot.  I tried last night but only made it an hour because it was too hot even after dark.
• My mom and I worked out a way to pay down my credit cards quickly and aggressively so that I have more money free every month.
• I tried to refinance my car.  I was denied because my income is too low.  Which is stupid because if I've been making payments of a higher amount on this income it would seem I could continue that.  I'm finding it really hard to have fought hard to improve my credit score (up 250 points almost in the last maybe 3 years) and then have that not matter because of my low income.
• It is weird to see your student loans marked as closed debt on your credit report.
• After years of having had difficulty making payments because I was too out of it it is weird to see my credit report now only shows 1 payment that was late something like 5 years ago.  Most of the old notations about payments that weren't made have finally hit the magic 7 year mark and faded away.
• It also is weird to suddenly have my entire outstanding credit be my house, car, and 2 credit cards.  This is vastly different than the past.  I paid off one student loan this year anyway, plus 2 credit cards (one very small amount, one not and yes I have had way too much credit card debt) and  my federal student loan was discharged so there just isn't much debt left.  (Except this is all big stuff).
• I HATE that my mom is helping with this.  I also know that I can hold onto my pride all I want, I can't make a dent in the payments alone.
• For having a niece I have almost no pink fabric.  This is weird.  Right now her bean bags are cats on orange, dogs on black, multi-color dots, purple and blue batik, turtles on pale blue, black with white dots, muschrooms on green and bananas on brown.The next will be bright blue.  I have one pink that I'm hesitant to use because it will get filthy easily and so I probably will try to pick up a .$.99 pink square when I buy more fabric for liners.  The remaining 2 big ones I'm not sure about.  I have giraffe and she'd like that but that's a lot of animals so it probably will go to the smaller size.  I have a ton of fabric, I just don't have much girlie fabric that is colored in a way that it will not get filthy immediately.
• This is getting boring so I'll stop.  I just don't have much to say.  Tired and anxious is about all I can say.

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