Wow

I truly don't know how people who are on less SSDI than I am survive.  They are not usually paying medical bills and I paid a lot of that this time (using savings for part, savings I won't have much longer).  This time I had everything changed so that all payments could be made at the front of the month.  I still about had a heart attack a few minutes ago after I paid some bills in my 2nd bank account and then saw the amount left in the main account.  I earned some dogsitting money and have change to turn in and that will get me 2.5 weeks more as long as I am cautious with buying food since my fridge/freezer has to be pretty much totally wasted. I've been waiting for my trash night to deal with dumping it so it wouldn't stink.

Nonetheless, this is HARD.  I've been paid every 2 weeks or for about 18 months every week for as long as I worked, and disability checks were weekly (short-term).  Now I make much less and it only comes monthly.  I'll be fine as I learn to budget for this but it's tricky to adjust to.

And I certainly shouldn't do this at night.  I thought I had more to fiddle with than I do.  I never appreciated the sheer beauty of a real salary.  I think Dr. Mind would kick me for saying this but I wish we'd reached the point I could work a little.  Realistically I can't work until I have Medicare in 18 months because if I did I wouldn't have prescription assistance and I can't afford my meds.

But nonetheless it is hard to know that I can't go buy a simple pack of underwear until I am paid again. I'm hoping to refinance my car to reduce it's payments about $100/month and eventually the house will be refinanced.  And hopefully the medical bills I just paid are about the last ones.  I don't know yet if Dr. Body's office is going to approve assistance and if they don't I may have to occasionally see him just because there may be something that I can't figure out likely causes, describe on email and be treated that way yet that urgent care would have trouble handling because of the complex meds/allergies/history.

Oh well.  I keep trying to tell myself I'll adjust and this will be easier.  We'll see.

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