Ongoing

I am still not doing very well.  My moods change rapidly and drastically and underneath is a depression that makes me want to sleep all the time.  The combination of time change, med change and time of year just weren't good. 

I kept telling Dr. Mind "I know my light box is in a box labelled with that.  I don't know why I didn't keep it out.  I need it."  He gently suggested doing whatever was needed to retrieve it ASAP.  My mom and I went to the storage unit and I dug around and found boxes from the right part of the house but not any that said anything about the light.  Finally I gave in and opened "medical supplies", which translated into "asthma gear for when I'm actually sick".  At the last minute I opened "items from chest" and there, clearly NOT labelled anything relevant to SAD lamp was the lamp.

So now I have that one part of the way out of this. The only problem is that I use a special lamp to prevent mania from too much light at once.  I couldn't even try a light until this kind came out.  It lets me adjust the intensity and time the light is on and I gradually increase them until I find the right mix between agitation and depression.  That can take a few weeks or a month.  So that solution is going to be slow.

In the meantime everything is frustrating.  I want to be on my own again.  I want MY mattress.  Oh do I want my mattress.  I want my cats to have space and I want to feed them on a normal routine so that the old one eats more.  (Here they eat in the bathroom and she is nervous about the toilet flushing or water running so she doesn't eat enough).  I want to be in a bad mood without explaining it.  Etc.

If I weren't so tired some of this wouldn't matter.  I know that.  But I AM this time and I really just want to sleep, not apologize from being grouchy all the time, not try to explain why I am cycling. 

Tomorrow is my day with my nieces.  It will be good for me but I dread the fatigue at the end of the day.  Apparently Geraldine wants to be held more this week because she has a stuffy nose and I know that makes things much harder with Anne.  Geraldine is also shifting her sleep patterns from sleeping all morning then playing for a bit in the afternoon and taking shorter afternoon naps to being more awake in the morning and sleepier in the afternoon.  Anne though is excited that I'm coming and that's good.  Last week was a little rough with her so I'm glad she wants me back.  It's hard that all her adults are operating on different schedules right now.

Anyway, I should work on sleeping.