Quiet

Right now, yesterday and today, I just don't feel like saying much. That may change and probably will if I begin to feel nervous in the next day or so. For now though, I seem to be out of of thoughts.

Yesterday was tough. I got everything that needed to be done caught up at work. I was smart enough to admit that I wasn't going to eat what was ordered out for lunch and stuck to my soup. I talked to the admission person at the hospital; she was working on my insurance and having a hard time. Apparently it's unlikely to actually be preapproved for admission just on the basis of my doctor says so, instead I'll be approved after the hospital doctor says yes, I'm actually that badly off. I had a really hard time with giving her the info she needed about how I was feeling because I was deeply into "dealing with patients" mode and it's hard to go from that to "I feel horrible" while sounding like that, back to professional in 5 minutes.

I then came home and took enough ativan to really let me sleep soundly and that seems to still be wearing off. Plus I'm just tired. It was a tough week and emotionally draining. And I'm now decreasing my antidepressant fast; it isn't like it is actually doing anything and the sooner the better. So Dr. Brain said I could go down 10 mg last night and then 5 tonight and tomorrow. So that probably is adding to the tired.


So, I'm sure I'll write again today or tomorrow, but I don't seem to be feeling as talkative as usual, so if I'm not writing a ton that's why.