Ready

I have 10 minutes of getting ready left. I have to call up there in a few minutes to confirm. And then it's time. My cats very clearly know something is up; I've had one or both cuddling for the past 10 hours. My boy-cat (a very, very relaxed boy who last night I noticed trying to track a lady bug; the lady bug was on his nose and he wasn't even trying to get rid of it) discovered last night that he could rest with his cheek on mine. He was so very proud of this discovery; I've never heard him purr so loudly and he is not a quiet cat. We've also played his favorite game: he makes a noise, I try to imitate it back, he makes another, I try again. Each one is more emphatic, like he is trying to show me what I'm doing wrong. The girl-cat knows something is up and doesn't want to leave my side. She's probably afraid the Source of Food is leaving and she might STARVE. She also knows she gets treats when I leave for a while. In Boy-Cat's mind suitcases equal "oh NO!". In girl-cat's mind suitcases equal "oh YES!". (To be fair she also really likes to travel. She and I made many long trips back and forth to grad school, 8-10 hours each way depending on where my mother lived. She's the road-tripping kitty).

I'm pretty close to fully being in a mixed state. Well, I am in a mixed state but not as bad as it often is. However, the only thing really left is not sleeping and so I'm sure if nothing is done that will commence shortly. In a way this is bad because I don't sound as bad as I did a few days ago but it's just the mania. Hopefully people who don't know can pick that up. That's one of the hardest parts of my ability to function: I'm so used to acting that turning it off can be really hard. Dr. Mind has said several times in the last few weeks that it is very obvious that coming to see him really helps me relax and has asked why. I never really had a good answer until now: I don't need to act with him and I feel safe enough to stop and be how I am.