Titles don't matter

I went to see Dr. Brain today.  Highlights are:

• she gave me a tissue to hold and a box of them because she said it would be hard (and undoubtedly Dr. Mind had warned her of my uncontrollable tears lately) but I didn't cry.  I guess there is one benefit to having been through this a lot
• she did not hospitalize me.  Basically the same as Dr. Mind:  I'm at risk, the things that have happened are concerning but I've done the right thing each time and know that if it worsens I need to get to the hospital.
• She has a list of ideas to help with sleep.  All are creative but hopefully something will work and I'll sleep all night which would certainly help the depression.  Attempt one starts tonight.
• She thinks my SSDI will be accepted the first time because there is so much documentation and I have tried so hard.  She admitted that she has documented more than necessary for years in case this happened.  She is very positive usually but I don't think she'd say she thinks it is likely that I'll get through this quickly if she didn't really think it.
• One of the most beneficial things I can think of is that several years ago I was assessed by vocational rehabilitation.  At the end the counselor told me his main recommendation was SSDI.  I was not happy about this and both people treating me were not happy as they both felt I could and should keep working.  Anyway, that documentation will be seen by the reviewer, assuming he wrote it down, but better yet is that we easily were able to find this in Dr. Brain's notes.  So I've worked 4 more years than the people who are supposed to do everything to keep you working thought I could.
• She pointed out that it took cancer to make her slow down and that it is hard but it's something I should really have done a while ago.

I'm very tired so that's it for now.  I actually left feeling slightly less panicky.  I wish that we could mess with all my meds at once to fix everything but after what happened with anesthesia/Mirena/chicken pox shot all at once I am on one change at a time unless I'm inpatient and even then they went slower.  But at least we can probably get me sleeping.

More later, as usual