I have got to get more sleep

Today's plan was simple:  Leave home at 4ish, drive to the city, return something that didn't do what it was supposed to which is fine because it was expensive, pick up more cat food, go to support group, pick up a couple things at the store across from group, and come home.  I had to remember to dry my pants when I got up.  I did that.  I took a shower and got dressed.  And then I realized there was no way I could safely drive home in the dark when so very tired.  So I didn't.  Which makes me feel all kinds of guilty.  But I have to be safe and right now by the time it gets dark I am not safe to walk, much less drive.  I want to go to group badly and starting by missing 2 seems wrong, but I also can only do what I can do and when so little sleep is involved that isn't much.

I heated up sausage gravy and biscuits tonight.  First I goofed by buying the wrong size and not having enough to use on the leftover biscuits.  I have a lot of biscuits.  Then I dropped the plate, upside down, losing most of the gravy.  And creating a bit mess.

I had one of my favorite conversations with my mom, where I feel like since she's giving me money (which will be paid back) I owe her explanation for every dime I spend.  She keeps making a point that she's not spending money on anything.  And I am?  I did buy clothes.  We discussed it.  I had no choice.  For one thing even if last year's shorts fit I'd only have 3 pairs.  For another they don't fit.  I don't know what she thinks I'm buying.  Some of it comes because I did spend $15 to get my ears pierced.  But that was because I needed something to keep my fingers out of my hair.  And that and yarn which I got with Swagbucks is it.  I don't know if she thinks that I'm buying stuff because I stop at stores a lot, but that is all about bottled water which is on food stamps and which I go through 1.5 gallons/day.  I also buy fruit, also with food stamps.  Whatever.  I'll just be so glad when this is done.  It actually gets a lot better after this as about 25/% of my bills was COBRA and I'm going to go on Medicaid after this month.

Medicaid is hard to believe.  I know there a tons of limitations and I won't like it.  But payingi only a few dollars for prescriptions and no co-pays?  Awesome.  I've confused because I can't get my gynecologist to come up as a provider, yet she's at Cleveland Clinic which does come up and to my knowledge all doctors at Cleveland Clinic should be together as they are one huge practice.  I may not have it long; if I am denied for SSDI then it won't cover me.  If I am approved I won't be eligible but I've read there's a transiton program that will cover me.  I'm just doing it one step at a time and will figure it out as I need to.

I got out of the painful facebook posts.  Now it turns out most posts on facebook were from work friends.  But better the lonely posts than being hurt.  I think that's a bit thing with facebook; you don't think about everyone who is reading and how it might hurt them.  With the blog I don't know who is reading and so it's hard for me to avoid saying painful things sometimes, I'm sure.  But I try to not hurt people even though I know I fail sometimes.

And now I need to feed my cat who is patiently waiting.  She goes through spells of being very hungry and the last 2 days has eaten most or all of 3 cans of food (the other cat helps), an egg, and the last dry food I had (she doesn't even like dry food).  It's like feeding a vaccum cleaner.

I think my mom is going to take me down to see my niece Friday.  Apparently my niece was very excited with "Aunt Jen visit?  Aunt Jen come visit?  Aunt Jen is coming?" etc.  I've been so out of it I haven't seen her in almost a month.  I hate it when that happens because I love her and she truly loves me and time with her is so precious.

Ok, the cat.  Don't want her to get too hungry, she might start munching on me.

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