I never thought about it

Part of this change from working to disability is suddenly losing income.  Obviously.  But even when you know it, I am still finding it surprising what I took for granted.  I mowed my yard today for the first time since the first year I was here.  I never really thought how much a lawn service cost.  I didn't have time that there was daylight to mow, but so much money.  I usually buy a bottle of water before Dr. Mind appointments and support group.  I have to stop; that's almost $3/week.  I had a consumer reports membership I never thought much of; $5/month.  I had the infamous landline/long-distance which was idiotic since I had basically unlimited calling on my cell phone.  Now that my ears are healed from piercing I'm trying to find some earrings I like.  I have a few pairs but they are a little bigger than I thought and I want a little more variety.  I found some I liked at Target but the $15 I wouldn't have thought all that much about a  year ago is a big deal.  I want a bicycle because I think I'll be able to get good exercise that way.  Waiting to buy it also just feels weird.  If I didn't have the money in the past I would have charged it and paid it back later.  No way am I doing that now since there's no way to know if the money is going to work out to be there.  So much has changed in how I view money.  Organic milk?  Thing of the past even though it is better and lasts longer.  Pre-cut fruit trays?  No more.  Grabbing something I know my niece will be cute in when I'm at Target?  Nope.  Now it is more like planning to go to the consignment store to get her a couple things.  It used to be that she would see those bags and say "Aunt Jen?'.

There's no point really, just that we are impressively able to not consider so many things  until something makes us change.


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