Today has been a swirl of activity. Up at 6:30, went with my mom to my sister's, toddler to playground and out to lunch, then toddler nap and the first time I've seen her get upset when someone left. She wanted her mommy who was working and didn't want the fun to end either.
Then we went to Sam's club. I will go to another one this week because I was so exhausted I didn't want to do my shopping/making sure I stay in my food stamps limits thing. It's hard for me to do and it's tiring. Plus I knew I was too tired to carry things in when I got home. We went because my mom needed a few things and she isn't near one routinely.
So I am so exhausted from this long day and not sleeping well last night as per usual. Plus yesterday was an emotional day. I'm sure I'll have more to say about that.
And then I was stupid, stupid, stupid. Being with my niece reminded me of how much I loved having a baby (21 years younger ) brother (half). I haven't seen him in about 8 or 9 years because his mother who had promised to keep me in his life after she and my father divorced re-married and changed her mind. I'm waiting for him to be 18 so I can stalk him legally. (My mother, in one of her better moments, told me that this was a bad idea because he's probably creepy since his mother is. My mother hates his mother because she was involved with my father while they were married. Good reason except that she was in HIGH SCHOOL and I don't think you can really blame a kid for that. Might as well blame all kids who were molested. Huh, we've done that too.....It's really that she doesn't get it. But anyway I looked for her. I had seen her on facebook once. This time I discovered that the city paper where I was working at the time wrote an article about her being Jewish and deployed to Iraq. Which means she's adopted her husband's faith in a bit way. Which is good, I'm glad she has faith of some kind. But here is this big old article about what a hero she is and I just want to know my brother. It's another case of one too many losses.
Anyway, I'm trying to get some programs uninstalled to see if they are why my computer is being bad and it says this window must close.
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4 comments:
I hope your filter improves. You need a gigantic sieve to sort stuff. I'd love to see the junk drain out and the treasures be captured. You've got to let some of this go until the appropriate time. Take at least ONE full day to settle into the new peace of your regular support and all the implications. I don't like to hear you say "stupid, stupid, stupid," I do it to myself, I know I've got to step up the positive self talk.
Please don't overload yourself. You know you're having an overstimulating day packed on top of a restless night. Be gentle with yourself as you adjust. Investigate your brother's life at another time. I hope you can keep from (perhaps unconsciously) keeping a lot of drama going just because you're used to so much chaos. Peace and calm any not come easily but try to make space for them and be restful throughout the day as much as you can. "Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart and be thankful."
I hope your filter improves. You need a gigantic sieve to sort stuff. I'd love to see the junk drain out and the treasures be captured. You've got to let some of this go until the appropriate time. Take at least ONE full day to settle into the new peace of your regular support and all the implications. I don't like to hear you say "stupid, stupid, stupid," I do it to myself, I know I've got to step up the positive self talk.
Please don't overload yourself. You know you're having an overstimulating day packed on top of a restless night. Be gentle with yourself as you adjust. Investigate your brother's life at another time. I hope you can keep from (perhaps unconsciously) keeping a lot of drama going just because you're used to so much chaos. Peace and calm any not come easily but try to make space for them and be restful throughout the day as much as you can. "Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart and be thankful."
I have no idea why the comment doubled up. Fix it if you can. I have to jump through several hoops to post and it said it WASN'T accepting my method.
Time to slip in today's Easter weekend assurance about our true family in God. Be blessed and rest in this truth. Big breath...many big restful breaths. Take it slowly and prayerfully so it settles in a sweet place of rest inside your heart.
Romans 8:29 WEB
For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son,
that He might be the firstborn among many brothers.
Promise #97: I have chosen you to be like My Son so you could be part of My family.
In today's promise from Romans 8:29we read in the Amplified Bible the following... For those whom He foreknew [of whom He was aware and loved beforehand], He also destined from the beginning [foreordaining them] to be molded into the image of His Son [and share inwardly His likeness], that He might become the firstborn among many brethren.(AMP)
What an amazing promise! God knew us and loved us and destined us to be part of His amazing family before the creation of the world! It was because of His incredible love, that He determined to mold us into the image of His beloved Son so that we could be part of His wonderful family.
Jesus is the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. He is the ultimate big brother to each one of us and His Father has become our Father (John 20:17) because of the finished work of the cross. Hallelujah for such a salvation! We are being conformed day by day into the likeness of our elder brother and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Earthly families have, will and shall be broken and dysfuctional so we must look around our Christian community for true mothers, fathers, siblings. Jesus from the cross gave Mary to be John's mother and John to be her son. He understands. May our eyes be open to the relationships in the family of God that He wishes us to embrace.
My son of the cruel outburst on Christmas Eve has not spoken to me since then and yet my daughter assures me that he wants to attend the graduation party at the restaurant tonight. Awkward. He might do the charming "sweet Mama" deal but I'm uncomfortable about the dynamics.
I've experienced a lot of brokenness in family so I think I can speak somewhat to your concerns. It's not a good situation for you but please don't try to rush it along right now and add to your stress and sense of loss. It's true but you can't manage it all. Wait patiently like the Father waited for the Prodigal, longing, watching, but biding His time.
Sound good?
I hope you have a deep rest tonight and a blessed Resurrection Sunday tomorrow, calm as you can be, soaking in gratitude and peace that surpasses understanding.
Lifting you up into the Light and Love of Jesus, Michal
"Earthly families have, will and shall be broken and dysfuctional so we must look around our Christian community for true mothers, fathers, siblings. Jesus from the cross gave Mary to be John's mother and John to be her son. He understands. May our eyes be open to the relationships in the family of God that He wishes us to embrace."
I consider this somewhat of a Christian Community. And, I definitely think of you as my sisters in Christ, in the Family of God.
Happy Easter to my sisters Jen and Michal!
~ Becky
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