Memories

 I am living with a lot of them.  Some of them are really ugly.  For perspective I am focusing on a hat I made yesterday.  It fits loosely on my index and m iddle fingers and doesn't completely cover the fingers.  It is an early loss hat and someday someone will be handed the body of their premature, ill from conception, baby wearing that hat.  I always pray for the families of each baby who gets a hat as I finish the hat, but these tiny ones are the saddest thing ever.

Having said that, what I am writing is very hard.  New memories, things make sense finally, the resultis of something that happened.  All of it is sad and hard to think about.  It's also hard to make it readable instead of the list I prefer.  But I DO need to say these words so they need to be written.  I'm hoping tonight they don't have to be written at 2 AM.

Michal is right, I did apparently stop writing mid-sentence yesterday.  In reality it is something my computer does.  It is getting old and weird and it will randomly delete things or move my cursor someplace new.   On email it frequently just closes my draft.  That story was just that the financial services person made things so much easier.  I had sent my renewal (every 3 months) for financial assistance in  weeks ago but found out a few days ago it was denied on the basis of my having insurance.  I was supposed to reapply and had to print out something to complete the application when they called.  She took all the information over the phone and when I got to the dr. this week I have to simply ask to see the financial person so I can sign it.  I'm already approved now for my next 3 months.  This was my first approval after getting SSDI so I'm glad that it was still 100%.

Otherwise I don't even know what I did today.  My mind is really working hard.
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