I had a very rough night. One of the dangers of feeling numb is that you'll do a lot to feel something. The suicidal thoughts went berserk and I wound up dumping out my hard-won tylenol bottle, then having to email Dr. Brain to tell someone. I also hate the waste of money doing that. I don't have money to literally flush away. I even tried to get onto a crisis chat room thing but I had to wait so long and the tylenol was gone that I decided I felt safer and being screened for hospitalization wasn't a good idea. My past few months increase my risk even when I'm really safe, just struggling, and I did not want to wind up locked up and unable to talk to Dr. Mind, which is the key to this whole issue. I moved to the couch where I'm further from my locked up meds. Eventually I took a klonopin and fell asleep before the sun came up.
Now I'm manicky and even walked for 2 hours trying to slow this all down but it didn't help. So I'm waiting for tomorrow......
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1 comment:
Horrible night but Jen, you did the right things/you followed the plan and you need to feel good about that. The thoughts did not win. You did, and that is something positive.
I sure hope Dr. Mind will be able to help curb some of these symptoms for you - I am thinking this is an effect of the therapy, right? HANG IN THERE until tomorrow dear Jen... I pray that your mind and body finds comfort and rest tonight. You can do this.
Becky
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