Depression

I feel like I've used that title too much lately but creativity is not coming to me (I honestly think that with over 600 posts it would be amazing to not repeat at times.)

Today I had to decide not to go see my niece.  I want to so much, and she was at my mom's, but I don't have the energy for the trip, nor do I have the energy to play with a somewhat grouchy teething little girl.  She's so good when she hurts, she tries to be sweet, but you can tell her hurts and she is more needy.

I can hear the depression when I talk.  My speech is slowing and I seem to not be making sense to other people easily.I absolutely do not want to do anything but sleep. I was wide awake around 10 AM today and was napping by 1.

I am so glad that I'm seeing Dr. Brain Monday and that after that I'll know what is happening.  A huge part of how I feel is frustration that I won't be going to work next week and probably not for several more after that. We'll also know then how my levels are doing as they are done tomorrow.  Meaning I have to leave the house.
That's both good and bad; I am sure it will wear me out but it also is a change of scenery.  I have never liked the color of my bedroom.  When I bought my house I picked out a lot of watercolory colors.  My mom was the one who painted while I packed my apartment and she got the paint.  For a reason I no longer remember who picked different shades than I'd selected making my pale peach bedroom my PEACH!!! bedroom, almost a light orange.  I have always hated it and have had paint to redo it of a year but I can't be around paint fumes and haven't had anyone to help or money to pay much and the last "I work for cheap" person I hired tried to steal from me.  However, after so much time feeling crappy I've about had it.  All I asked for as Chrstmas gifts is help with finishing some projects.  If I could get help with some basement things so I'm ready to put down flooring when I get my tax $, my bedroom painted a color I like more and the sewing room painted I'd be so, so happy.  There's tons more after that; the bathroom needs repainted because despite a lot of coats the old color shows through; the hallway ceiling needs painted because cheap guy (who I was paying quite fairly, he just wasn't a pro) did a crappy job there and painted my ceiling brown in places.  Actually all ceilings need redone.  As does the rest of the house.  For much of it I already have paint.    But I shouldn't think of these things as at this rate they will never happen.

I can't believe how tired I am...You'd think you'd learn to expect it and always it shocks me.