Today is passing very slowly as I want to nap because I haven't slept well in days since I messed everything up with missing meds and causing withdrawl). However, tonight is my sleep test and it will be hard enough to sleep without a nap. And of course the stupid time change is getting me too because I keep thinking "Oh good, 3.5 hours to go until I leave" and then I realize that it's 4.5 hours and I'm still sleepy. The trick with this is that they turn the lights out at 11. So if you don't feel sleepy by 11 (and I have yet to achieve that no matter what I do although taking my sleeping pill at 9 instead of seeing if I need it should do something) you lay there. Which after being an insomniac my whole life is one of my most dreaded situations.
This just is a weird thing to do. Necessary, but weird. I also can't believe I'm spending another night in the hospital. I was in the hospital 3 days at birth, 9 days for psych 2 years ago, overnight in August, 7 days in September, and now this. It's not a trend I'm enjoying.
But I need to do it. I need to know if this sleep chart is as screwed up and has as many exceptions to the rule as I think it does or if I really never actually sleep more than a couple hours.
I also need to change laundry around so that when I get home tomorrow and want to sleep I will have nice clean sheets. Right now I"d have nice wet sheets and that doesn't sound as appealing somehow. (Although it used to be used to treat mania. Did you know that? They would pack extremely agitated patients in sheets soaked in ice water in a way they couldn't move and leave them to "cool off".) Thank God psych hospitals are more humane now and I know the worst that will ever happen to me is a shot, a shot I request be available because I remember how scary totally out of the ability to start to calm myself is.
4.25 hours until I can go.....
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1 comment:
Lord, touch Jen with Your strength. Let her rest in You and feel Everlasting Arms supporting her as she travels another road she doesn't want to navigate. Breathe Your life into her so she can get a valid and helpful test. Please give her patience and overcome anxiety. Turn her thoughts to those of peace, love, kindness and gentleness by the power of Your Spirit gifts. Make her feel like she's lying down in green pastures by still water; restore her soul, spirit and body.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Psalm 23
New King James Version (NKJV)
1 The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever.
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