Discouraged

I have had a rough day.  I didn't sleep last night because my cat was vomiting again.  I keep finding myself begging God for more time.  I am being a complete pessimist with this and I know it's from losing another cat to vomiting but I am afraid.

I got my first real period post Mirena and I am dreading the months of waiting I have ahead of me to show that a pattern of issues exists.  The same sharp, something is stabbing my ovary pain is back although at less severity than it was during the last few weeks before my surgery last year.  I knew from my gyn and family doctor's comments that this was likely and research shows I have maybe 20% chance of this not being like a year ago.  The pain frightens me because it became so overwhelming last year.  I know that if several months pass and I am having tons of pain and blood loss that I can probably see my dr. sooner and have surgery sooner but she really wanted 6 months before making such a permanent decision.  But even with the pain not so bad I can't position my leg some ways and that was precisely what happened a year ago.

I had a crazy nightmare when I did sleep that hasn't helped.

I also had some idea in my head that 6 months from leaving the hospital I would be all better.  Tomorrow is 6 months.  I'm doing a lot better but not where I thought I'd be.  I know this frustration is created by me and that it's partly because I don't know how sick I was then.  I know I'm vastly improved and doing better than they thought I might ever reach.  But I'm still facing a long time on suicide precautions and apparently I had decided that I should be past that by now.

I don't know.  I'll be better tomorrow.  I'm tired and really discouraged by the pain.  That was the best part of the Mirena and I've improved enough that I clearly will not have another of those.

Sorry for crankiness.  It's possible I miss Dr. Mind and my schedule a bit more than I thought.

Copyright 2006 www.masterofirony.blogspot.com