Probably should mention this

Cranky Amy said:

.  I have got to say that you are one of the bravest people I know, because if my therapist wanted me to be angry and say why I was, I probably wouldn't go back

It's probably worth mentioning that I went into this knowing what was going to happen.  I agreed to try very intense treatment to try to make my PTSD reduce enough to function again.  It was taking over my ability to do anything.  The treatment involves the therapist/my therapist/whoever is trained in this to be pretty firm.  But it doesn't work if I don't participate and it has helped so at this point I'm doing the hardest thing hoping it works for that too.

I probably make it sound worse than it is because it is very hard and often I'm writing when it is freshest. Not that it isn't hard, it is.  But it was my choice and I could stop it if I wanted to.  However I also know how much PTSD took over my life during the months that just breathing was traumatic and as that happened every bit of PTSD I already had joined in.  It's too much to live with so I'm doing this.

It also helps to know it's done within 5 weeks.  Although I felt I was at a point that doing this was necessary I don't imagine it is the first option you'd want to go for related to anything.  But that certainly was true for me; I've had so much treatment for PTSD and it just was getting worse.  Now it is is improved although the part where I learned to not feel anything has a long way to go.

But nobody forced this.  My therapist isn't being mean even when I think he is.  I'm glad that it was a choice even when I hate it.

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