Sick kitty

The last 24 hours have revealed brutal truths I'm not yet ready to discuss.  They are though things I can discuss here, so it will happen once I've had some time.  I think that I could now write a book on how not to handle finding out your child has been molested.

But I am worried.  My older cat, Anna (17 next month!) has kidney failure as I've discussed before.  She's been doing quite well actually, stable weight, good intake although she's as picky as can be, but that's normal.  She usually goes through a picky phase then picks back up on eating.  It seemed she had gotten there.  And then the puking began.  She's puked rather massively 1-3 times per day for the last 3 days.  Today I don't think she kept much down and more worrisome she doesn't even want her beloved baby food meats which are the thing that she will ALWAYS eat for me.  She's acting fine, actually spent more time awake today than usual by a lot, has come and cuddled, and when I brought water to her bed she got up and drank a good bit.  We'll be going to the vet, probably Tuesday, but I'm concerned.  As kidney failure advances cats puke more and require meds to keep their stomach less acidic.  I'm not ready to say "advances".  I know that we're surpassing the expected lifetime after diagnosis in the next month or so and that she is 17.  I know she's not going to be here forever.  I am not ready though.  Too much loss already this year.  I've thought enough; I know what defines quality of life for Anna.  My mom buried her cat in this old garden seeded to be a meadow and as long as it's not winter Anna will go with Gypsy.  They lived together when Anna was young and I didn't have a home for her (Anna fell deeply in love with me the day I met her when she was 5 weeks old).  Mom said from then on she was mine when I could take her.  She made my first real home of my own (a tiny trailer I rented in grad school) home and it was so goo to always have someone happy to see me after long days of classes.

So please pray that Anna bounces back and the vomiting was a fluke.  For one thing it is gross, for another she needs nutrition.  I think I'm going to restrict her diet.  I'm concerned that this new crunchy food I bought that they both eat like I eat chocolate is at fault; Anna hasn't eaten chrunchies much in years, ever since she had a tooth pulled.  For now she's going to get baby food, tuna juice only, maybe a little chicken.  And I'm going to get her hydrated even if that does mean frequent super cold water delivered to my bedroom floor.  And for the final thing, I can't take losing her right now.  I know I never will be ready but because I have in my head what end-stage renal failure that has gone on a long time (both my mom's cats) looks like I get side-swiped when I realize she may not even get that scrawny, she may have a different path.

Having a hard time settling down tonight.  I won't say more or I'll be telling my story (none of which is really worse than it was, but people LIED.  A lot.  and I care more than I should).



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