Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Wednesday, October 23, 2013


I had a bit of a surprise yesterday.  I saw Dr. Mind and he let me know that if I wanted to I could try to cut back to 3 visits per month.  I'm not interested but it's one more thing that doesn't seem at all real after being so sick for so long.  I have things I want to work on and while I'm not sure he thinks I'm going to make enough progress to be happy about it I want to try.  Also I just don't think that 7 weeks of doing well is incredibly significant compared to 2 /2 years of being so sick.  I know he's saying that because I haven't had much to say for a while and I guess I was just taking a break that is now over, but we needed a break.  I am much happier with him now that we aren't fighting frequently.  I know that he was right in our final, I completely lost it, disagreement, but I don't like admitting it.  However he unintentionally made me so angry that I stopped being that angry and let the anger out instead of being so bitter.  The other thing that is stopping me is just that I'm on so little topamax.  It's helping and that's fabulous but I'm not sure I'll get to enough to expect the dose to last.  After months of working on this dose I'm on a whopping 37.5 mg.  We're going to be pleased if I get to 50 mg but 100 mg or much more is needed for it to really work and the higher the dose the more risk of cognitive problems which I'm at increased risk for because I've had so much trouble in the past.  I just don't trust this yet.  It's great that it is helping and I think if it fails it opens the door to trying one other med which I can't remember the name of but which is also a weak mood stabilizer that is good for some people.  I don't know if I can afford it but (hold your breath): I HAVE A MEDICARE CARD!!!!!!!  It's just paper until February 1 but I HAVE A MEDICARE CARD!!!!!

I've been spending money fast enough to horrify me.  I went to Ikea and got a lot of things needed for the new house.  Consolidating and making up for things I've made do without for years meant I needed some furniture and closet organizers.  I really did well considering that I got everything for what it would cost to buy just a couch at a furniture store.  Obviously it won't last forever but it will be fine and putting things together should keep me busy for a month or so.  I got brave enough to see what that did to my budget today and it was ok.  I still have enough for appliances and have left-over for things like curtains, my first ever new and not wobbly ironing board.  I have appliances ordered and still have the money to pay for them without disturbing the fund for when things go wrong with the construction (like needing a septic system).  And I still have money for curtains, cleaners, and a few things that will be sure to pop up and if not I'll be able to buy Christmas presents.

Otherwise not a lot to say.  Dogsitting today and tomorrow.  Tomorrow I'm hoping to feel up to doing a few things like the bank, post office, paint store and assembling a chair or two.  We'll see.  A weekend with the nieces took a lot of energy.  Sweet, sweet little girls...

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