Liar LIar

So I saw Dr. Mind.  I told him that I had remembered.  I then downplayed totally how much it has affected me.  I either did it well or he didn't care to push because he seemed to accept it.  I didn't even tell him the story.  I should have but the truth is that I need to get through Christmas and then I can deal with this.  I am doing pretty well with the holidays and I just can't handle this now.  Next week I'll tell him that but this week I just lied.  For some reason I really wanted him to think I was doing really well today (so I didn't have to talk about that).  But I'm not ready to cope with it so probably am not doing the best job with it.

I'm trying to do sewing for my nieces' Christmas presents.  It's frustrating because of lack of space.  I made some yesterday so I could at least function but things aren't going smoothly and that's partly the space issue.  Oh well.  Someday I'll have more space again.

Tonight I'm really upset because my 18.5 year old cat seems to be losing control of her bowels.  There have been a few times that I've seen small amounts of poop outside the litter box that I thought was related to constipation.  Then this week she's been sick and there were diarrhea incidents that aren't under her control at all.  Tonight though she apparently just pooped over the edge of her bed.  I couldn't figure out the odor and was going to go cover over some atrocity in the litter pan when I noticed where the smell was coming from.  It looks like there are a number of potential causes and that we're going to the vet.  Just what I hoped for.

Otherwise I had a screening through charity care today and I may be eligible for Medicaid.  I already am on spenddown Medicaid, meaning that if in a given month I spend a specific amount out of pocket (the amount being so high that I couldn't meet it because I'd starve) they'll pick up anything beyond that.  But the screen today says I might qualify for medicaid that would be a secondary insurance to medicare.  I don't see how but I'll apparently be applying and I'm certainly praying as this would resolve a big issue with Medicare called "I don't know how I'll handle the co-pays for my meds".  Even with getting Seroquel and Nexium free I still have a huge out-of-pocket portion coming and it is nerve-wracking.

As of today I'm officially done Christmas shopping.  I have some things that are ordered that aren't here but I don't have to go in another store (except to buy oil for my car tomorrow) and I have sewing to complete (bibs for the baby, one applique to a onesie, and a cape for Anne).  I spent more than I should have but I'm pretty happy with what I got and the deals I found.

The house still isn't done and no word on when it will be so I'm very glad that I did not buy a Christmas tree.  I'm going to move stuff over and start setting things in corners just to get them out of my way here, as soon as it's less icy.  Our driveway is currently dangerous.  We're hoping to get a good estimate on having movers load things into a truck an then pile it in the house.  We just don't want to have to load and unload the truck if we can avoid it and that way we don't have to ask my brother or BIL to come move the freezer and washer/dryer.  I am expecting to be here for Christmas.  7 months......