I have been accepted to the psych unit. I will be going Sunday afternoon/Monday morning. I think. Dr. Brain was trying to change that from today to a bed hold until then. I dread it but I need this. I have barely been out of bed for anything for a month. I have not been well enough for the smallest things; I have barely even seen my mother. I have been too sick for too long and it's time to stop and be where they make me get up, there's social pressure to brush my teeth, I have to talk to other people, etc. The reason Dr. Mind feels stuck is that he can't physically follow me around making me interact and do things and that is what I need. I dread it because I feel safe here but I have to get past that. I also have to feel safe and to stop waking with panic attacks every time I do sort of sleep.
I just got back from Walmart trip 2 (I lost my wallet on trip one) and I think I'm going to break my rules and try to nap a bit since I was up all night and freaking out all morning.
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2 comments:
I've been away from the computer for a couple days. Caught up on the news and will stay tuned. Did your wallet come through with cards intact? Praying for your peace and comfort.
Michal
Jen, sometimes you just need a gentle push in the right direction. I am hoping the hospital stay will be GENTLE, but will also be encouraging you as you feel you need to be.
I think you summed it all up by saying, "I have been too sick for too long and it's time to stop..." I agree. Time to take some steps forward even if that does mean the hospital.
Will you be online there? Do you want to be? Aside from them "making you" do things, will you be working med changes too?
I am proud for you, know why? Even though you feel horrible, you still wrote that email. As depressed as you are, you still have the ability to do advocate for yourself. And that Jen? That's AMAZING!!!
Keep your chin up. Sending thoughts and prayers your way,
B.
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