How I Work

One of the first things I was told after completing an extensive diagnostic interview with a doctor I call the guru, who is one of the top world experts on bipolar disorder, was that it was amazing I had been able to work while going to long without treatment. At that point I had never missed a day of work due to the illness. Over time that has changed, and I did have one long disability leave, but mainly it doesn't affect work that much. I struggle with paperwork and organization, but so do people without bipolar. It's just that in my case I did not have that problem until the illness got bad.

However, the reason I've successfully worked is more my job works with me. For one thing my company is extremely supportive and always has been. I've had individual co-workers who have managed to make things miserable from time to time, but I've outlasted every one of them and been supported in doing so, so I really don't care. There are 2 key tricks: flex time and co-workers.

Flex time is most important. I use it 2 ways. First, I am unable to sleep without substantial sedation. When I'm doing really well I can fall asleep at 1 AM. I work over an hour from home, so if I were working a traditional healthcare day I would need to leave home at 5:45 to arrive by 7. Even a traditional work day would require leaving at 7:45, and I am simply unable to safely drive that early. Therefore I am able to adjust my leaving time to what I need (ideally about 9:30, lately more like 11 or 11:30). I work until 6 or 7 pm and arrive home, ideally (but rarely), around 8. Usually I work longer hours and have been known to not get home until midnight in a crunch. It's not what I would choose, years ago when I was able to do a 7-3 shift I loved it, but now it would be impossible. Plus if I drag myself in before the meds wear off, not only am I risking driving unsafely but I am not very good at my job. Fortunately this is pretty much assured by the Americans with Disabilities Act to be something nobody can take away. The second way I can flex my time is why I am writing this post in the middle of a Wednesday. I have been off my meds and gradually re-introducing them. I have taken half a dose of antidepressant the last 4 days and it's made me pretty tired but I've been ok. Yesterday though I overdid it by adding dinner with friends, a counseling appt., and shoe shopping to the mix. This morning I tried over and over to wake up, and I just couldn't. I called in to say I'd come later, then fell asleep and slept through the alarm and realized I was too dopey to drive still. So I was able to call in, but it won't count as a sick day because I'll work Saturday. It's not my favorite trick, but it has saved me over the last 2 months, as I have done this almost every week.

The other factor is co-workers. The people directly in my department know about my illness. For the most part they are wonderful about accomodating it. I've had managers call me and tell me they know I've felt bad and they've arranged for me to take the day off. I've had people help me out to alleviate being swamped and making me more tired. And they don't act like it's a big deal. I've been told before they'd rather I ask for help when it's just needing a day off than when I need 6 weeks. As long as we are a team, I can do a job that I'm not entirely cut out for. I don't know how long this will last, I don't plan to do this forever as I someday want to work more as a mental health advocate than as a therapist, but for now, this is my miracle.