Life

So in the last few weeks I've disappeared from the planet, practically. In a nutshell in 2 weeks time I have changed therapists from one I have seen for many years to someone very different, I have gone from taking no meds to taking a reasonable amount of my meds (nobody knows where I'm going to wind up so this may be all my meds), and I have developed panic attacks. Actually they aren't new, I've had them before, but never like this, never in a way that felt so encompassing my only solution was to sleep. Between feeling sad, reacting to the meds, the panic attacks, and the anxiety meds, I have done little but sleep. Oh, and annoy people.

I had one of the more humiliating experiences of my life last week. I was reading a blog where someone made a fairly negative statement about mental illness. It was, I'm sure, intended to refer to someone specific, but that is not how she worded it, and it was offense. I privately emailed her, pointed out that *I* hadn't hurt her and she was saying I was as bad as anyone else, and that if she didn't want to be with mentally ill people I would not read or comment anymore on her blog. I was very polite, and I honestly thought it was a route for discussion, as it has been before. The next day she answered, asking me a question, and I thought I was right. I hurried off an answer that I would respond soon and I was glad she was open for discussion. She said something about not putting THIS one on her blog. Sure enough, she had cut and pasted my entire email into her blog as a "poor me, look what the crazy people do to me me and however am I to answer" thing. There were 16 comments and every one of them called me a name. Not one of those names was nice. My next email closed the discussion, although now I find myself going back there to check to see if she posted what I said!

Then this week I went back to work and all sorts of difficult things are occurring there. I had to call my boss tonight because I made a supervisory decision that is not going to go over well. Work has it's wonderful moments. It was so exciting to come back to work and have so many residents have noticed I was gone. But parts of it are on grin and bear it level, and I'm too medicated to look very realistic. I look more like a shark about to bite......

But I think I can write some again, at least until I get med changes in a few days. Up next, I think, are some thoughts are roles the internet has helped develop (more interesting than it sounds, really).