Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

I am/I am not

I post this same thing periodically and it is always when I've run across the same thing:  someone scams someone/hurts someone/does something morally offensive and within days people start throwing the word bipolar around.

So I will continue to post about it because if one person bumps into this post and realizes how stereotypical and hurtful that is and how often people do it, maybe that one person will think.

I am:
  • someone with severe mood swings and rapid changes in my mood
  • inconsistent in my reactions.  Sometimes I can ignore something, sometimes I am extremely angry, sometimes I cry.
  • easily wounded.  It's hard to justify cruelty when your mood doesn't agree with your brain.
  • often tired and inconsistent in what I can do.  That's because the disorder affects energy levels along with medication side effects.
  • someone who has hurt people when my irritability/anger has been too big for my control at that moment.  However I have learned to not do this.
  • a person who works very hard to manage her illness with meds and therapy.  This involves 5-12 appointments per month, a lot of money, and a thorough commitment to wellness
  • sometimes a psychiatric hospital patient.  However I go there when I am unable to safely manage my life.  I go there when I am unsafe to myself.  I go there as a decision made by my doctor and I am not taken there or held against my will.  The psychiatric hospital is not full of people who have done thing that are socially incorrect nor are they there because people on the internet/family members/other people didn't like their behavior.  The only way to be there against your will is if you intend to kill yourself or someone else.  It is not punishment, it does not rehabilitate people who have done bad things.  It is there to adjust meds and make you safe and functional.
I am not:

  • someone who plots to hurt others.  In fact to do so would be very difficult for me as it requires intense organization.  Also I generally don't focus on schemes to get others or scam people.  I have bigger problems that take up most of my time.
  • out to get anyone
  • representative of everyone who ever had mental illness or bipolar specifically.  I don't behave like my illness, I behave like me, affected by the illness(es) I live with.
  • a bad person.  I have an illness that is misunderstood and which most people wouldn't pick up on.  Depending on the day if you don't know you may think I'l a bit moody or that I'm quiet and tired but it is not tattooed on my face and people who do not know me well aren't instantly going to guess.
  • responsible for the behaviors of others.  People like to say people who are jerks are bipolar.  Undoubtedly that's true sometimes.  But that's true for people who are completely well also.  In fact I find people with prejudicial ideas about me are bigger jerks than anyone I know how has bipolar.
  • who you think I am.  Just like I can't read your mind you can't read mine.
  • evil.  I am human and bipolar is how I am flawed.  How are you flawed?

I am just so tired of this. I wish people who just occasionally check on google what they are saying before they say it.


Michal Ann said...

Good job, Jen! It's easy to see that you are amazing. You have special insight into the "lingo" people throw around without knowledge or sensitivity. You're responding to something that I hope is not more sinister.

Again, thanks for laying this out. I hope it does the good that's needed in this crazy world.

oxo Michal

Michal Ann said...

Isaiah 40:11 WEB He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will gather the lambs in his arm, and carry them in his bosom. He will gently lead those who have their young.

Promise #340: As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to My heart.

In yesterday's promise, we talked about the benefit of having a loving Shepherd lead us and guide us. Today we want to continue that thought with an amazing illustration of God's love that comes from Isaiah 40:11. In this passage of Scripture, we see a very intimate picture of how God sees us as His little lambs.

He is the Great Shepherd who feeds us, carries us and leads us into greener pastures. If you struggle feeling God's nearness, I would encourage you to meditate on this Scripture and picture yourself as a little lamb needing to be picked up. God uses many illustrations throughout the Bible to help us comprehend how He feels about us.

A little lamb is helpless, defenceless and completely dependent on its shepherd, just like we are! I pray that God will give each one of us the Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation today (Ephesians 1:17) in greater measure so that we will really know that our God and Father carries us in His arms just like a shepherd carries a little lamb.

Anonymous said...

I wish you could post this TO THE WORLD as some sort of a Public Service Announcement!

Well written. Excellent info. Insightful. Intelligent. Spot on.

Hey, guess what? I have a friend named Jen who has a disease called bi polar. She is a strong, sensitive, WONDERFUL, caring woman who every day faces the challenge this disease brings. She is the awesomesauce. I have learned so much from her. She's my sister in CHrist, and I am proud to call her my friend. My friend Jen has better awareness, control, and insight about herself than most other "normal" (ha!) people I know.

So there world. Listen to Jen and EDUCATE yourselves!

(Becky on a soap box)