I've been very frustrated lately because I've been fighting depression for what seems like forever and nothing seems to be helping my cycle out of it. I am tired of feeling sad and acting sad. I've then become very frustrated because I am used to depression being something I cycle through and I'm not used to cycles lasting this long. I started at the counseling center because I realized 10 years ago that I was unwilling to face a lifetime of psychiatric issues. I've been back to that part, enough that suicide precautions are ramped up. I'm not planning to hurt myself exactly, just wishing I didn't have to keep living when it hurts. Dr. Mind made me ake a list of why I am so angry and when that turned into a 5 page list some of the answers came out.
I also finally learned that I am not cycling out of this because I have situational depression this time. I am not used to this and because we don't know specifics yet about when I am going to be moving or even specifically where I'll be living. Without something to adjust to apparently it is normal to keep feeling sad until I feel some more control.
I can't tell you how much this little bit of news is helping me. I am surprsied because it doesn't change anything. But knowing why something that should be familiar feels so different helps.
Now I just need to feel better.
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